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This poem is part of the challenge:

04/25 The smell of baking 🏆 Winner

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A Slice of Warmth

Gran always woke up early to prepare
the heartiest meal to start out the day.
Grandpa, a farmer, ate with gusto and intent
before getting to the barn and his chores.

Grandma's kitchen was always scented
with the loveliest of heavenly smells
What I recall best was her freshly baked bread
fresh out of the antique oven, aroma wafting
enticing us to get up from our beds.

Quickly, we dressed and down the stairs we raced,
to break our long winter's night fast..
.
Homemade Strawberry, and black raspberry jams,
Apple, mint and crab apple jellies not to forget
Gran’s Blue Ribbon peach preserves!
.
What I loved most, was Grandma's loving smile,.
how she held me while we sat together
In her old wicker rocker in the roomy kitchen.
and her freshly churned butter which she
lavishly slathered on my "slice of warmth!"

About This Poem

Last Few Words: rewrite on: 04-17-2025 thanks Geezer and Mark and Ruby

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

2 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Consider exploring deeper sensory details or imagery to enhance the reader's experience. For example, describing the specific scents or textures of the bread and butter could enrich the poem's evocative quality. Additionally, the poem might benefit from a closer examination of the emotional connection between the speaker and grandparents—perhaps by elaborating on subtle gestures or interactions that convey warmth and affection beyond the stated smile. The phrase "slice of warmth" is effective; consider building upon this metaphorical imagery earlier in the poem to create a stronger thematic coherence. Lastly, examine the rhythm and pacing, particularly in the third stanza, to ensure a smoother flow and consistency with the rest of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

mark

mark

2 months 1 week ago

Memories

This poem beautifully captures the warmth and love radiating from Grandma's kitchen. The sensory details, from the "heavenly smells" to the "aroma wafting," truly bring the scene to life. The image of Grandpa's hearty breakfast and the children hurrying downstairs creates a vivid picture of family life. But the heart of the poem lies in the simple yet profound image of the "slice of warmth" – the freshly baked bread generously topped with Grandma's homemade butter and, most importantly, her "loving smile." It's a wonderful reminder of how food, prepared with love, can create such cherished memories.
~Mark

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months 1 week ago

Dear Mark,

Thank you for letting me know what you liked and how it effected you. I always find your critiques both fun to read and helpful. Thank you for being you!

very fondly, Cat

Geezer

Geezer

2 months 1 week ago

I think...

if you restructure one line and redo line breaks, it will read a little smoother. Of course, I may be reading it all wrong. ~ Geez.
.

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

2 months 1 week ago

Hi Cat, your poem has a

Hi Cat, your poem has a lovely feel to it and I liked the details you included.
I do feel you're still holding back a little?
I'd have loved to smell the earthy yeast of that bread. Felt a gust of heat from her antique oven and tasted the flavours of those jams on the table. Hope this helps? Ruby xx

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months 1 week ago

Thank you, Ruby,

I see what you mean. I am just not sure how to accomplish it. I will work on it. I appreciate the attention you have given my poem!

fondly, Cat

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Dear Ruby,

Thanks for your generous offer, it is greatly appreciated :)

fondly, Cat

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

2 months 1 week ago

Hi Cat, thanks for sharing

Hi Cat, thanks for sharing your revised version. I can read where you’ve worked to add more texture. The list of jams and the image of you both in the wicker rocker are lovely touches. The poem feels alive now. Ruby xx

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months 1 week ago

Dear Ruby,

Thank you, I am glad to have pleased you! have a great day,

fondly, Cat

Unca Fez

Unca Fez

2 months ago

Everyone Should Have Such Memories

The details are different, but the feeling is the same. Early morning in Grandma's kitchen was about being loved. It is one of my fondest childhood memories. Thanks for bringing it back, again!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Beloved Steven,

I thought you would like this piece... having your own similar memories! Thanks for the comment. When am I going to read something from you? Soon, I hope!

much love, Sammy-Cat

Geezer

Geezer

2 months ago

Mmmmmm...

I see that you've added some nice touches, this absolutely livens things up. I wonder what today's children are going to remember about their grandmas, maybe trips to McD's? Who knows? Anyway, good revisit. ~ Geez.
.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Thanks Gee,

for the revisit and noticing my added touches. I do not have much faith in most of the children produced in this age... I call them: the Gim'me generation. the seam to only care about what they can get from their overly submissive elders. I do not think they have been taught a decent code to live by, and it makes me feel sad and scared...

most fondly, Cat

Rula

Rula

2 months ago

Dearest Candle

I am so sorry to be late to this beauty, and yet I'm still able to reach it. I cant tell you how much memories it evoked in me, and I wondered if all grandmas are so generous and lavish with love (I very much want to be the same one day)I think that the aroma of love is what distinguishes them the best.
You have truly surpassed your self with this one especially when it comes to the title and the closing line
lavishly slathered on my "slice of warmth! Wow!

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

2 months ago

Dearest Rula,

Thank you for reading and commenting, it means the world to me. I am so glad to have your support. my other grandmother called me "Demon's Spawn" and did not like me at all...so not all Grans are loving. But, I god one of the great ones, too!

much love, your Candle

P

Punkyfrewster

1 month 3 weeks ago

Cat,

What a lovely memory. Congrats on your win!