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Apr 23, 2025
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What got us to this moment?
Opened arms wide,
To hedonist ways.
Entertainment fads,
And all it displays.
Hooked minds found,
Another fateful escape.
Drug induced highs,
To pause life's tape.
Heart pushed away,
Treated as a letdown.
Yet devoid of feeling,
Now trying not to drown.
Soulless manic seekers,
No clue to what was lost.
Put money as their saviour,
Regardless to the cost.
And now the world is broken,
Mankind trapped in their hole.
Could they find a way back?
To rescue their lost souls.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider exploring more concrete imagery or specific examples to ground the abstract concepts presented, such as "hedonist ways," "entertainment fads," or "drug induced highs." This specificity could help readers connect more deeply with the poem's themes. Additionally, the rhyme scheme is consistent but somewhat predictable; experimenting with varied rhyme or rhythm could enhance the poem's impact and prevent it from feeling overly familiar. The rhetorical question at the end effectively invites reflection, but consider developing the final stanza further to offer a more nuanced perspective or insight into potential solutions or deeper implications of the issues raised.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months ago
A couple...
of things I would suggest:
If you want to use a term meaning mentally unbalanced,
I would use [manic] rather than [insanity]. It keeps the meter better.
I think that [the] should replace [that] in the line: Regardless...maybe even pare that down line just a bit, to make it smoother. How about...
"Regardless of the cost" Just try it, you might like it.
I think that you can make this poem shine, if you tweak the last verse, and not be afraid to polish it up. Sounds like something my niece would say to her Uncle Gee.
~ Geez.
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Geezer
2 months ago
You did it...
you managed to polish this up and make it shine. Nicely done, ~ Geez.
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