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Apr 26, 2025
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Fortified Faith
Come sit next to me.
I am waiting so patiently—
to slip away from anxiety,
its words no longer holding my interest.
Guardian angel, please—
Tonight, grant me this request.
Don’t ask how I feel;
if I narrate this,
my horror story becomes real.
My mind keeps me occupied,
missing my meal, leading me
to find faith in dirty plates,
scraping scraps
like prayers no one heard.
Missing out on my meal—
I ponder the darkness I feel.
Some say you don’t exist,
but opinions
can twist the truth.
Not for me—
I have fallen.
Yet someone answers
every time I try calling.
I yearn for a chalice
of heavenly grace,
one that brings smiles
to every sad face.
I know it makes you shake
every time I think—
I was mislabeled,
a mistake.
I’m no subject of pity—
my king shares hope,
that brings light
to a dark city.
May your love never tire;
the little faith I have
is the library card
I will not let expire.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem explores anxiety, faith, and self-doubt through candid imagery and metaphor. To strengthen the piece further, consider the following points:
1. **Imagery and Metaphor Clarity:**
The metaphor of "faith in dirty plates" and "scraping scraps like prayers no one heard" is intriguing but somewhat unclear. Clarify this metaphor by expanding on the connection between mundane actions (dirty plates, scraps) and the speaker's spiritual or emotional state. How exactly do these ordinary images reflect the speaker's internal struggle?
2. **Consistency in Tone and Voice:**
The poem shifts between conversational language ("Come sit next to me," "Don’t ask how I feel") and more abstract or symbolic language ("I find faith in dirty plates," "library card I keep renewing"). While variety can be effective, ensure the shifts are intentional and clearly support the poem's emotional progression.
3. **Development of Central Themes:**
The poem touches upon multiple themes—faith, anxiety, self-worth, and hope. Consider focusing more deeply on one or two of these themes to create a stronger emotional impact. For example, the relationship with the "guardian angel" is compelling but could be developed further. Clarify the angel's role: Is it literal, symbolic, or metaphorical?
4. **Structural Cohesion:**
The poem moves through several images and ideas rapidly. Consider reorganizing or adding transitions to enhance coherence and guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For instance, the stanza about "dates" and "ordering meals" feels somewhat disconnected from the rest. Clarify how this stanza relates to the overall narrative or emotional arc.
5. **Ending and Resolution:**
The final stanza about the "library card I keep renewing" is a thoughtful metaphor for persistent but fragile faith. Consider expanding slightly on this image to provide a stronger sense of closure. How does the act of renewal reflect the speaker's ongoing struggle or resilience?
By addressing these points, the poem can achieve greater clarity, emotional resonance, and thematic depth.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
2 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Paul
I read through several times. I felt like a kind of confusion has wrapped this one concerning the theme and the many voices.
I think it has a good potential, but it calls for some edits if you want to make it smoother.
I also think it could make more than one poem
Again, just my opinion
Thank you for sharing!