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May 18, 2025
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Heat Wave
When we held
hands and kissed,
we felt it purely.
When we held
each other in the
candlelight dimness,
We felt it completely
We were consumed
by our passions
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider exploring more concrete imagery or sensory details to ground the emotional intensity described in the poem. Currently, the poem relies heavily on abstract terms such as "purely," "deeply," and "completely," which can dilute the reader's connection to the experience. Clarifying or expanding upon specific moments or sensations could enhance the reader's engagement. Additionally, the title "Heat Wave" suggests intensity and physicality, yet the poem itself remains somewhat general and restrained. Aligning the imagery more closely with the title could strengthen thematic coherence. Finally, consider varying sentence structure or rhythm to create greater tension or momentum, reflecting the emotional progression described.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
2 months ago
Dear Punky,
I like your journey of words all the way to the conclusion. Inspired!
Good going! Cat
Punkyfrewster
2 months ago
Cat,
Thank you for taking the time to read my poem! I appreciate your comments!
Lavender
2 months ago
Heat Wave
Hello, PF,
I want to love this so much, especially with that hot, inviting title. But I think you could expose more depth by having fewer words. I see hands, lips, candlelight, hushed tones and passion - being held back, begging to burn through. "Fondest wishes" is mentioned a couple times, which feels sweet, but not so much like a "Heat Wave." I'll be back after your reply.
Thank you!
L
Punkyfrewster
1 month 4 weeks ago
Lavender,
I made the edits suggested. It is an entirely different poem!
Lavender
1 month 4 weeks ago
Hello, Punky,
I like your edits! I've always been told that a poem isn't finished when you can no longer add to it, but when you can no longer take anything out by paring it down. We tend to overstate instead of letting the words "bust open" and show us their depth.
I enjoy this!
L
Punkyfrewster
1 month 4 weeks ago
Lavender,
Thank you for your feedback.