Blood stained bones

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem addresses weighty themes of violence, greed, and historical suffering, and attempts to evoke strong emotional imagery. However, there are several areas where it could be strengthened:

1. **Clarity and Word Choice:**
The phrase "chargrine remain" is unclear. "Chargrine" does not appear to be a standard English word. Possibly intended as "charred remains" or "chagrin remains," this ambiguity disrupts the poem's coherence. Clarifying or correcting this term would significantly improve readability and meaning.

2. **Imagery and Metaphor Consistency:**
The poem employs vivid imagery ("burning embers," "smouldered souls," "blood stained bones"), but sometimes the metaphors shift abruptly without clear transitions. For example, the transition from "smouldered souls" to "vultures glee" feels somewhat sudden. Consider providing smoother transitions or clearer connections between images to enhance thematic coherence.

3. **Grammar and Syntax:**
The line "Can you see the vultures glee," should likely be "vultures' glee," indicating possession. Attention to grammatical detail will help maintain the poem's seriousness and credibility.

4. **Rhythm and Flow:**
The poem's rhythm is somewhat uneven. For instance, the line "The addict's victim, to war and greed" reads awkwardly. Consider rephrasing to establish a more consistent rhythm and enhance readability.

5. **Theme Development:**
The poem introduces broad themes (war, greed, addiction, historical violence) but does not fully explore or develop them. Providing more specific context or imagery could deepen the reader's emotional engagement and understanding.

Addressing these points would help the poem achieve greater clarity, coherence, and emotional impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Tigger,
Very strong message. I'm wondering if another stanza between the last two might enhance the havoc and danger the vultures cause, leading to that bold imagery of glee.
Thank you!
L

I think that is a very strong stanza, and adds so much! It seems like such a natural piece to the poem, it's hard to imagine you struggled to write it. Very nice!
L