Armagedon and more!

Hi Leslie,

this poem feels and looks much better to me. I wasn't overwhelmed by the appearance of your words which sometimes I am when they are put together without breaks in each verse.

Your subject matter was clear and you carried it through to the end without meandering into other disconnected thoughts. That was really good and it made me want to read your poem more than once instead of just looking at it and moving on.

In the first verse, I was confused by the fire and the cold balmy air. It's like you recognise this as being significant but have become troubled in the way you want to say it. Pick it apart, who is cold, who is on fire, what does it feel, smell or look like?

I think you have a typo in this line? by the heinous aofs man! Should that be acts?

Much better, I think this poem could work as a template or plan for your future use.
Take care, Ruby xx

Good job on your revisions. Ruby xx