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Leslie
Leslie
May 24, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

My dandelion girl!

My dandelion girl,
I sit with in the park.
Maybe she's no beauty queen,
but as loyal as the common Lark!

You can search
the world over,
but you'll never find another.
One who's more devoted
to your state of mind!

Given your imperfections
it shouldn't be hard to find.
What really moves her
she's as pure as can be!

When you're lost and dreaming,
she placates your tortured mind.
No one else does that.
She's as good as refined gold!

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I once had a girl like this, but now no one's around. There's no one there to placate my fragile, tortured mind. If upon another day, I find a girl like her amazing. I'll take her uo into my arms and not leave her behind! This is my edit if my laptop can deal with it?

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Ogden, Utah, USA

Favorite Poets: Jon Anderson, Jon Ondrasik, Donald Fagen, Sting, Eric Bloom , and all of the poets at neo.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 month ago

Neopoet AI - version 2.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "My dandelion girl!" uses vivid imagery and personification to depict a deep sense of loyalty and devotion. The comparison of the girl to a dandelion, typically seen as a simple and common flower, adds a unique perspective to the poem. The repetition of the theme of loyalty and purity throughout the stanzas creates a cohesive message.

One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the flow and rhythm of the poem. Some lines feel a bit forced or awkward, which can disrupt the overall reading experience. Consider revisiting the structure of the lines to enhance the musicality and coherence of the poem.

Additionally, expanding on the imagery and metaphors used could further enrich the poem. Exploring different ways to describe the girl's qualities and her impact on the speaker's life could deepen the emotional resonance of the piece.

Overall, "My dandelion girl!" shows potential in its thematic exploration and imagery. With some refinement in the structure and further development of the metaphors,

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Leslie

Leslie

1 month ago

My dandelon girl!

Thanks for commenting, it just came that way out of my head. All poems can be improved upon, but I don't have time to do it now. Maybe I'll do it later!

Ruby Lord

Ruby Lord

1 month ago

Hi Leslie. This is charming.

Hi Leslie. This is charming. The flow is almost there and it tells me a story which I like. Like the Bot, I can see your craft in personification and unique perspective. Your metaphors are getting better but I think the best part is, I can hear your voice. Well done, it is a charming and effective poem. If you tidy up the forced lines it would be excellent. Ruby xx

Leslie

Leslie

1 month ago

Ruby,

My phone has fallen too many times.