Surviving Storms

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem addresses emotional turmoil and vulnerability through vivid imagery and a conversational tone. The central metaphor of a storm effectively represents internal conflict and anxiety, and the progression from uncertainty to reassurance is clear and purposeful. However, there are areas where refinement could enhance the poem's impact.

First, the imagery and metaphors occasionally shift abruptly, making the poem feel somewhat fragmented. For example, the sudden introduction of the "nuclear missile" metaphor feels exaggerated compared to the more subtle emotional imagery earlier in the poem. Consider maintaining a consistent level of intensity or clearly building toward heightened imagery to ensure a smoother emotional progression.

Second, the conversational style ("Screw it," "Hell," "Come on, text me back") gives the poem immediacy and authenticity, but at times it risks undermining the seriousness of the emotional stakes. Evaluate whether each colloquial phrase adds depth or if some could be replaced with language that better reinforces the poem's emotional tone.

Additionally, the rhyme scheme and rhythm vary significantly throughout the poem. While variation can be effective, here it occasionally distracts from the emotional momentum. Consider whether a more deliberate approach to rhyme and meter could help guide the reader more clearly through the poem's emotional journey.

Lastly, the ending provides resolution ("My mind falls asleep"), but the final lines ("The thoughts had an appointment they had to keep") feel somewhat anticlimactic. Consider revising this closing to more clearly reflect the emotional resolution or insight gained from the preceding turmoil.

Overall, the poem has strong emotional potential and engaging imagery, but would benefit from greater consistency in tone, imagery, and rhythm to strengthen its emotional resonance and clarity.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Wow.it made me think. Alot.

To come save me

Your poem is both hilarious,true and brave

How about:

"Pocket filled
with enough [dried] tears
to fill empty cups
for a thousand years.

Maybe just me, but I can't picture tears in a pocket,
unless it's a raincoat.

I think that referring to your mind should be:
I told [him]: a storm is about to open its' eyes.

He said: "[He's] not making another compromise"

I like it, the raw thoughts pouring out of your pen.
I'm sure that you have fixes for the little things.

This is good rap, I think you should do more of it. ~ Geez.