When your ready

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem attempts to create a comforting, intimate atmosphere through conversational language and everyday imagery. However, several areas could benefit from revision and deeper consideration:

1. **Imagery and Metaphors:**
The poem uses many metaphors and images (umbrella filled with tears, steak dinner, hot chocolate, indigestion, Clue game, bus stop). While these images are accessible, they often appear disconnected or overly casual, diluting the emotional impact. Consider selecting fewer images and developing them more thoroughly to create coherence and deeper resonance.

2. **Tone and Consistency:**
The tone shifts between deeply emotional assurances ("You are safe / I promise you") and casual, almost humorous references ("steak dinner," "game of Clue," "indigestion"). These shifts can feel abrupt and may undermine the poem's sincerity. Clarifying the intended emotional tone and maintaining consistency would strengthen the reader's emotional connection.

3. **Language and Grammar:**
The title contains a grammatical error ("When your ready" should be "When you're ready"). Such errors distract readers and diminish the poem's credibility. Careful proofreading is essential to maintain reader engagement and trust.

4. **Ending and Closure:**
The final metaphor ("you feel like a bus stop") is intriguing but ambiguous. Clarifying or expanding this metaphor could provide a more satisfying closure. Consider whether this image clearly conveys the intended emotional meaning or if another metaphor might better encapsulate the poem’s central message.

5. **Length and Focus:**
The poem covers multiple emotional states and scenarios (worry, sadness, regret, doubt, loneliness), which can dilute its emotional impact. Narrowing the focus to fewer emotional states or experiences might allow for deeper exploration and emotional resonance.

Overall, the poem would benefit from more deliberate imagery, consistent emotional tone, careful proofreading, and clearer thematic focus.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Take out the gas stanza lol
You rippped this one out Paul ^5
Mark

I literally took time to imagine it
Very clever idea
Sad,but still clever.
Think about either spaceing or using less words to convey impact. Other than that, i loved reading this

Hello, Paul,
This is full of healing energy. I really like the way everyday, ordinary things (umbrella, clock, radio...) are used throughout the poem, giving a cozy, sincere feeling of care and concern. Much enjoyed!
Thank you!
L

(When You're (your) Ready