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Jun 01, 2025
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Nothing but grey sky
Today there is Nothing but grey sky Later on is going to rain I have been walking For 1 hour already I am not made of ice I am made of Flesh and bones Also it is very cold out It is -9 with the windshield effect I miss the sunny days During the Spring That I need so bad I also missing the vitamin d That I need so bad Now it is time to check my Blood With the glucometer My reading was normal The glucometer never lies Now it got dark inside my house It is time for me to turn the Lights on Inside my house And inside my house is now bright And the night is here I must say that I am feeling Tired Already so I am going to try To go to bed early today I am not sure about the weather Tomorrow Yes I hope to be up early tomorrow AIso I left all the windows open So I could air my house And I also will be awaken By the birds
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by AIdo Kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
1 month ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Consider the following points for revision:
1. **Imagery and Detail**: The poem describes everyday occurrences in a straightforward manner. Consider adding more vivid imagery or sensory details to deepen the reader's experience. For example, instead of simply stating "it is very cold," describe how the cold feels physically or emotionally.
2. **Structure and Line Breaks**: Currently, the poem reads more like prose broken into short lines. Experimenting with intentional line breaks or stanza divisions could enhance rhythm and pacing, and help emphasize key ideas or emotions.
3. **Consistency and Clarity**: The poem shifts between different topics (weather, health, home environment, sleep) without clear transitions. Consider clarifying the connections between these topics or focusing more narrowly on one or two central themes to create a more cohesive narrative.
4. **Language and Word Choice**: Some phrases, such as "windshield effect," appear to be misused or unclear. Clarifying or correcting these terms ("wind chill factor" may be intended) will help the reader better understand the intended meaning.
5. **Emotional Depth and Reflection**: The poem expresses a sense of fatigue and longing for spring, but the emotional depth remains somewhat surface-level. Consider exploring these feelings more deeply or reflecting on their significance to provide greater emotional resonance.
6. **Grammar and Syntax**: There are grammatical issues, such as "I also missing the vitamin d," which should be revised to "I am also missing vitamin D." Correcting these grammatical errors will improve readability and clarity.
Addressing these points can help strengthen the poem's effectiveness and emotional impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
1 month ago
Nothing But Grey Sky
Hello, Poetaldo!
Oops! Your poem got excited and posted itself a few too many times! :) You may want to ask admin how to delete the extras.
This form is different from your other work. I am assuming it's intentional?
I'll be curious to see other responses, but I like it quite a bit. There is an urgency to it that lends itself to the title - everything going on in the mind of the narrator, meanwhile noting the grey sky. Again, not certain if it's intentional, but the lack of punctuation, the random words in caps, using the occasional numeral instead of writing out the word - it all gives the sense of busy thoughts and a sense of introspection.
Thank you!
L