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Forever In My Heart
I wipe the tears of the rain
That run down my face
I'll wait for love in vain
Until time will shatter like grace
I'll hold you in my heart
Like the wind in my hands
I'll keep your memory as a whole part
Of my dreams that drift like sands
Until time is no more
The wound and pain of loving you
Will remain in a closed door
As a living existence of a love so true
In the hour glass
Memories of you will forever live
Like the beautiful lass
That wished for the love you couldn't and will never give
Close your eyes
And feel the wind of memory
And when cicada in the dusk cries
Find it in your heart to remember me
Bury me with wildflowers
And do not forget
That stars are my witnesses
For this unrequited love I do not regret
Live to see the dawn each day
And be happy holding her hand
I may find it hard to say
But for you, my heart tries to understand
Please, even in a small part let it be
That you'll remember this love of a fleeting being
Look at the wildflowers and do not forget me
For tomorrow, at twilight, I'll be leaving...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Well this poem is pretty light and not that deep. This tells a lot about a kind of love that is true and yet, one-sided. I do not intend to use deeper meaning for this. I tried to quit writing poems because of discouragement that is why I haven't been here for quite some time...but it feels good to be back!
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
The Rain Sprite
14 years 1 month ago
Nice to be Back
Thanks once again! I've been away for quite some time...and a lot happened to me especially to my love life. It's amazing how events in life (even the worst part) can make you produce a work that is real and beautiful. It's kind of crazy but I was really imagining myself living my life with this broken heart of mine...and I just put everything into writing.
Thanks for the encouragement! It's nice to be back!
scribbler
14 years 1 month ago
hello
Welcome back. I enjoyed the read. I also seldom critique a poem by a member I've not met before, so hurry up and write another so I can feel free to give alternatives lol..............scribbler
The Rain Sprite
14 years 1 month ago
Nice to meet you!
Thanks, don't worry I don't mind being critic because I think it's natural. And we need criticisms to know how we are so it's important. I'm fine being critic, I kind of appreciate it =)
Thanks
The Rain Sprite
14 years 1 month ago
Nice to meet you!
Thanks, don't worry I don't mind being critic because I think it's natural. And we need criticisms to know how we are so it's important. I'm fine being critic, I kind of appreciate it =)
Thanks