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Jun 06, 2025
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Incessant flagellation no longer torments nor assails psyche of mine...
until courtesy amazing grace interceded
in the doggone guise
of Canis lupus familiaris
unwittingly timely deliverance
videre licet as an unconditionally loving
emotional support animal.
Emotional and financial crucifixion
synonymous with being
figuratively nailed to the cross
or flayed into a bloody pulp,
which damning punishment
linkedin to joint checking account
being sucked dry as an arid desert
by a criminal hopefully
he/she gets their comeuppance
for usurper(s)
of our joint checking account funds
whose activity at an ATM machine
located at West Ridge Street Lansford Pa
helped her/himself exuding glee
and cashed out monies
subsequently accruing
an attached surcharge of three dollars
plus an overdraft fee of $35.00,
which duplicated transactions
for $203.50, $303.50
occurred on the following days:
May 14th, 15th, and 16th, 2025,
and if any unsuspecting observer
witnessed she/he walking
with stuffed pockets bulging with cash
please inform me
as soon as possible
so just desserts
can be meted out
not because I consider myself vindictive,
but yours truly (me)
experienced financial hardship,
which crisis nearly
sent me to the poor house
and/or a mental state hospital.
Courtesy intercession
re: fluke of the universe
turned the figurative
tables on miscreant
punishing series of unfortunate events
rescinded at the eleventh hour
the reprieve granted
courtesy lenient judge
who mistook me for a sinner
in the hands of an angry dog,
which accursed fate of mine unexpectedly
blessed with good luck
from the aforementioned canine
actually a bank dick in disguise,
he took me under his paw
and made no bones
about offering me accommodations
good and plenty of room
spacious doghouse despite puppies galore,
who romped around the greensward
becoming excellent at sports
climbing, frolicking,
and jumping over hurdles
(trained by none other than
the celebrated Jumping Frog
of Calaveras County)
surrounding the custom built dog house,
which domicile more like a mansion.
Sirius lee, I
(an infinitesimal speck in the cosmos –
veritably insignificant in the schema of things,
and buzzfeeding with a healthy helping
of existential nihilism),
nevertheless thank my lucky stars
for unseen small medium forces at large
that righted a wrong,
and to summarily recap
the debacle triggering a major crisis
with entrusted finances,
which found one Beatle browed,
foo fighting beastie boy
descending into the figurative
abysmal pit of despair
with a horrific prospect of becoming homeless
along with the missus
after an unbeknownst person
exhibited chutzpah and moxie
expunged, cashed out, and accessed
without sense and sensibilities every red cent
prompting me, a Citizen Banker
to rage against the machine
rivaling the wrath of King Kong
when he pounds his chest and bellows.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: after a small number of electronic crimes against me (quite a few scammers scared the sh*t out of me, and got away with theft of my funds), i feel a target on my back draws quivering arrows.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a complex narrative blending personal grievance, financial betrayal, and unexpected salvation through the metaphor of a dog as an emotional and literal protector. The ambitious scope and dense imagery invite a close reading, though several areas could be refined to enhance clarity and emotional impact.
1. **Structure and Pacing**: The poem reads as a continuous stream of consciousness with minimal punctuation and few stanza breaks. Introducing deliberate line breaks and stanzas could help organize the narrative, allowing readers to digest the shifts between themes—financial loss, emotional turmoil, canine salvation—more smoothly. This would also create natural pauses and emphasize key moments.
2. **Tone and Voice**: The voice fluctuates between formal diction ("videre licet," "accursed fate") and colloquial expressions ("doggone guise," "bank dick"), which can be effective in conveying frustration mixed with humor. However, balancing these registers more consistently might strengthen the poem’s tone. Consider whether the humor and sarcasm serve the emotional core or detract from it.
3. **Imagery and Metaphor**: The central metaphor of the dog as both a literal companion and a "bank dick in disguise" is intriguing but could be clarified. The phrase “bank dick” is jarring and may confuse readers unfamiliar with the slang or intended meaning. Expanding on this metaphor with more concrete imagery might ground the poem’s abstract elements.
4. **Specificity vs. Universality**: The poem includes very specific details (ATM location, exact fees, dates), which lend authenticity but may also anchor the poem too firmly in a particular incident, potentially limiting broader resonance. Reflect on whether these details serve the poem’s emotional purpose or if some could be generalized to invite wider empathy.
5. **Emotional Arc**: The poem moves from torment to relief, but the progression feels abrupt at times. More explicit transitions or moments of reflection could help readers follow the speaker’s emotional journey. For example, expanding on the moment "courtesy amazing grace interceded" might deepen the sense of transformation.
6. **Language and Syntax**: Some lines are dense and syntactically complex, which can hinder readability. Simplifying sentence structures or breaking longer lines into shorter ones could improve flow and impact. Also, watch for minor typographical errors ("linkedin" instead of "linked") that disrupt immersion.
7. **Allusions and References**: The poem references the "Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" and "Sirius lee," which add layers of meaning but might be obscure for some readers. Providing subtle contextual clues within the poem could make these allusions more accessible.
In summary, the poem’s strength lies in its raw emotional content and inventive metaphorical framework. Refining its structural elements, clarifying key images, and balancing tone will help the poem communicate its powerful narrative more effectively.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact