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Jun 08, 2025
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Kidnapped by buccaneers
The pirates of the Baracham Isles,
a tiny archipelago off the southwestern
coast of Zingar, had preyed on the people
of the mainland for more than a century.
But some how Hailey got caught up and
Kidnapped, and she was in the 20th century?
Where am I? why does my body rock back and
forth and liquid roll around in my stomach,
making me want to throw up.?
I awoke, tied up to a man with
tawny hair, stern face, in the arch
doorway, a patch wrapped around
an eye, and a wooden leg tapping the
wooden floor coming towards me.
I can smell the throat of spicy burning
whisky and the salty, briny sea, coming
from the pores of a fisherman.
He explained that his band of men had
captured me, because I had written a
book about the high seas and about
buccaneers, terrorizing the Mediterranean
coasts. And about what a coward Red Beard
was, that bit he hated the most.
So when the wind howled they kidnapped
me from my house. As quick as the flag
whipping in a storm my body was taken.
And the bulk of the typewriter and my
work stolen. Fear put a blade to my throat
and drained the blood from my complexion
the glinted hook he had for a hand, angrily
had pierced my writing.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Rough
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 2 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents an engaging narrative with vivid imagery and a strong sense of place, but there are areas where clarity, rhythm, and language precision could be improved to enhance the reader’s immersion and emotional impact.
1. **Imagery and Setting**: The setting of the Barachan Isles and the pirate scenario is intriguing. However, some descriptions could be more precise. For example, "tied up to a tawny hair, man stern face" is somewhat confusing—does "tawny hair" refer to a rope or something else? Clarifying this will help the reader visualize the scene more clearly.
2. **Syntax and Grammar**: There are a few grammatical and syntactical issues that disrupt the flow. For instance, "making me wanting to throw up.?" should be "making me want to throw up." Also, the question "Where am I? why does my body rock back and / fourth" contains a typo ("fourth" should be "forth") and inconsistent capitalization after the question mark. Consistent punctuation and capitalization will improve readability.
3. **Line Breaks and Rhythm**: The poem’s rhythm feels uneven in places, partly due to line breaks that interrupt natural phrasing. For example, “I awoke, tied up to a tawny hair, man / stern face, in the arch doorway” could be restructured for smoother flow. Consider reading the poem aloud to identify where the rhythm stumbles and adjust line breaks accordingly.
4. **Word Choice and Clarity**: Phrases like “I can smell the throat of whisky” are evocative but somewhat awkward. Perhaps “I can smell the throat-burning whisky” or “I smell the sharp bite of whisky” would convey the sensation more naturally. Similarly, “the attire of a fisherman” could be more specific or sensory to deepen the atmosphere.
5. **Narrative Voice and Tense**: The poem shifts between past and present tense, which can be disorienting. For example, “I awoke” (past) is followed by “I can smell” (present). Maintaining a consistent tense or clearly signaling shifts will help maintain narrative coherence.
6. **Punctuation and Spacing**: There are minor spacing issues, such as “a patch wrapped around an eye,” with double spaces. Also, consider using commas or periods to better separate ideas and improve pacing.
Overall, the poem’s concept is compelling, but refining language precision, grammatical consistency, and rhythmic flow will strengthen its impact and clarity.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact