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Jun 09, 2025
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Why does the caged bird still dream ?
Hope is so heady.
Faith is so onerous.
Ideation is so consuming.
And pain is too lasting.
Happiness,is simple,but fleeting;
I want it all the time.
These days,Joy...I crave it,all the time.
I also crave chocolate,so there's that.
Ah,I googled today the meaning
of the word aphorisms.
I realised,my eyes,have been blind.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
1 week 6 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores complex emotional states with a raw and candid tone, which can resonate deeply. The juxtaposition of abstract concepts—hope, faith, ideation, pain—with tangible cravings like chocolate grounds the poem in relatable human experience. However, the poem’s flow could benefit from more consistent punctuation and spacing to enhance readability; for example, the commas in lines like "Happiness,is simple,but fleeting;" and "I want it all the time." disrupt the rhythm. The shift from profound reflections to the casual mention of googling "aphorisms" introduces an intriguing meta-awareness but feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on this moment could deepen the thematic impact, perhaps by exploring how language shapes understanding or how newfound knowledge influences perception. Additionally, the title poses a compelling question that the poem does not directly address; integrating imagery or metaphor related to the caged bird motif might strengthen the connection between title and content, enriching the poem’s emotional and symbolic layers. Overall, refining structural elements and developing thematic cohesion could enhance the poem’s expressive power.
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kowque
2 weeks 2 days ago
Ahhhh
Forget to add a full stop in one place.