06/25 Waking Up in Another Era

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Devil's song

Out of nowhere I spotted it, in yonder sky,
A monstrosity, that looked like it shouldn't fly.
Too complex a design to be by man's hand,
I wonder in awe at what could be its plan.

Woe that I'd have known that it was here,
But dream like, saw it appear.
A monster of metal, sent not for fear,
More as reconaissance, with scanning gear.

What do they want? What do they seek?
If I had x-ray vision, internally I would peek.
Yet instead I am rooted, as solid as stone,
With a chilling feeling right to my bone.

Wishing the ground might swallow me whole,
Or that salvation, might come save my soul.
For only evil could be there before me,
Swallowing my vision in all that I see.

No good could be behind, it's monster disguise,
No earthly reason for muting my cries.
Oh heck I've travelled to some distant era,
In which I fear life will cost me much dearer.

Should it choose to take me away today,
Yet there's no other option, no other way.
No rhyme or reason for all fear has crammed,
And my mind seems slow, like it got jammed.

I cannot fathom from where it came,
This ominous metal creature, without a name.
Shrouded in mystery, a pretence of peace,
Yet my racing heartbeat, it will not cease.

And as I hear a sudden booming beat,
Like a precursor of a coming defeat.
What I do know, is I don't belong,
So I cover my ears, against the devil's song.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Coventry, England, GBR

Favorite Poets: Michael Rosen , Rudyard Kipling , Pam Ayres , Benjamin Zephaniah

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Comments

neopoet

1 week 5 days ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem presents a narrative of sudden, existential dread upon witnessing an inexplicable, ominous object in the sky. The speaker’s progression from awe to fear is clear, and the poem sustains a consistent mood of anxiety and alienation.

Formally, the poem uses quatrains with an AABB rhyme scheme, though the rhyme is sometimes slant (“gear”/“fear,” “crammed”/“jammed”). The meter is irregular, with some lines reading more smoothly than others; for example, “But dream like, saw it appear” is syntactically awkward and disrupts the flow. Attention to line length and rhythm could enhance the poem’s musicality and tension.

Imagery is strongest in the first and last stanzas, particularly with “monster of metal” and “devil’s song.” The poem’s central metaphor—the unidentified flying object as a harbinger of evil or doom—remains ambiguous, which works to maintain suspense but also risks vagueness. The poem gestures toward science fiction (“reconitance, with scanning gear,” “x-ray vision”) but does not fully develop these elements, leaving the reader with questions about the nature of the threat.

The emotional arc is clear, but the poem relies on familiar expressions of fear (“chilling feeling right to my bone,” “wishing the ground might swallow me whole,” “racing heartbeat”). More specific, concrete details could deepen the sense of dread and make the speaker’s experience more vivid.

The poem’s diction sometimes lapses into cliché (“no rhyme or reason,” “cost me much dearer”), and there are a few spelling errors (“reconitance” should be “reconnaissance”). These issues detract from the overall impact and could be addressed in revision.

The poem’s strength lies in its sustained mood and the gradual escalation of fear. Greater attention to rhythm, specificity of imagery, and precision of language would help realize the poem’s potential and more fully immerse the reader in the speaker’s unsettling encounter.

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