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Jun 20, 2025
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Maginot
Maginot
The walls were thick with will—
not strength, not steel.
We laid them down like pronouns in a grammar of fear,
fluent only in repetition. Stone by stone we spelled out:
Never again. And meant it.
But silence tunnels too.
A whisper breached where no guns aimed—
not headlong, but sidelong,
like memory forgetting its own edge.
We stood behind ideas poured in concrete,
dared the years to erode resolve.
But wars do not read manifestos.
They rewrite them.
How obstinate we were to measure threat
by angles and rivets and the reach of last century's ghosts.
As if resolve means nothing must change.
As if war wears the same boots twice.
The enemy came around not through.
And found us still posing in the mirror of our fortifications,
our certainty collapsing inward like lungs beneath mustard skies.
We learned nothing but how to repeat the lesson.
.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: some thoughts on war, armed conflict, and 'organised' hostility
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively uses the historical metaphor of the Maginot Line to explore themes of rigidity, misplaced confidence, and the failure to adapt in the face of evolving threats. The choice to frame the fortifications as "walls... thick with will— / not strength, not steel" immediately sets a tone that emphasizes psychological and ideological defense rather than physical might, which is a compelling lens.
The line "We laid them down like pronouns in a grammar of fear" is particularly striking, as it personifies the defensive structures as linguistic elements, suggesting a constructed narrative or ideology underpinning the physical defenses. This metaphor enriches the poem by linking language, memory, and fear, though it might benefit from slightly clearer integration with the surrounding imagery to ensure the metaphor’s full impact is accessible to all readers.
The poem’s pacing and enjambment contribute to a contemplative rhythm, mirroring the slow erosion of both physical and ideological fortifications. The shift from concrete imagery ("stone by stone," "poured in concrete") to more abstract concepts ("memory forgetting its own edge," "mirror of our fortifications") effectively conveys the transition from tangible defense to psychological vulnerability.
One area for potential refinement is the phrase "like memory forgetting its own edge." While evocative, it is somewhat opaque and could be clarified or expanded to deepen its resonance. Additionally, the phrase "mustard skies" is a vivid and historically loaded image, evoking chemical warfare and devastation; its placement near the poem’s conclusion intensifies the sense of collapse and suffering, though it might be enhanced by slightly more contextual grounding earlier in the poem.
The closing lines, "We learned nothing but how to repeat the lesson," provide a powerful and somber conclusion, encapsulating the poem’s meditation on cyclical failure and the dangers of inflexibility. Overall, the poem balances historical specificity with universal themes, inviting reflection on how societies confront fear and change.
Consider experimenting with varied line lengths or stanza breaks to further emphasize shifts in tone or perspective. Also, exploring more sensory details could heighten the emotional impact without detracting from the poem’s reflective quality.
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Frederick Kesner
3 months 1 week ago
Perhaps the historical…
Perhaps the historical backdrop would provide for bouncing off of thoughts.