Covert Lovers

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem evokes a delicate and intimate atmosphere through its imagery and structure, but there are areas where clarity and emotional depth could be enhanced.

1. Imagery and Symbolism: The poem uses natural elements—water, fish, butterflies, flowers, moonlight—to symbolize aspects of love and secrecy. While these images are evocative, some connections feel abstract or underdeveloped. For example, "The cherished fish scent / Is lost" is intriguing but somewhat opaque; clarifying what the "fish scent" represents in the context of the lovers might deepen the emotional impact.

2. Narrative and Voice: The poem hints at a secret or forbidden love, especially with the line "That no one should guess." However, the speaker's perspective and emotional state remain somewhat distant. Developing a stronger narrative voice or emotional thread could help readers connect more fully with the poem's themes.

3. Structure and Flow: The poem’s short lines and stanzas create a fragmented rhythm that suits the theme of secrecy. However, some transitions between images feel abrupt. For instance, moving from "She dreams alone" to "Would Lady Wu / Change us back / Into flowers" introduces a mythological or cultural reference that might benefit from more context or integration.

4. Cultural Reference: The mention of "Lady Wu" suggests a specific cultural or mythological figure. If this reference is crucial to the poem's meaning, consider providing subtle clues or expanding on it to ensure readers unfamiliar with the figure can grasp its significance.

5. Language and Word Choice: The phrase "Butterflies tasting / Honey flowers" is vivid but somewhat literal. Experimenting with more metaphorical or sensory language could heighten the poem’s lyrical quality.

Overall, focusing on clarifying symbolic elements, strengthening the emotional voice, and smoothing transitions between images could enhance the poem’s resonance and accessibility.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

A very much welcome change of pace from which I have been writing this week! my favorite lines are:

She dreams alone
Butterflies tasting
Honey flowers

so enthralling! much love, Cat