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Tara it is goodbye now

Tara it is goodbye now
And move on
To better things in life
I will get used living
without you
I will find somebody else
To replace
I know that I can't be trusted
I took my frustration on you
I smack you in the head
Living you with a head injury
That is a wrong thing to do
If you don't want to forgive
Me
That is ok
There are nicer people out there
Than me
That needs you more
Than me
You tell me that
I hurt you feelings
I hear you very well
You need to do
What you need to do
I never appreciated the things
You did for me any way
I will wipe out the bad memories
I have of you
Yes I am going through though
Times
And there is nobody who
Understands that better
Than me
I can't forgive myself for doing
The things I did to you
I hope you find peace in
Your life again
And continue being the person
You are
I will be me without you
I know that life is tough
And nobody said that life
Is a bowl of cherries
You say that I am a hypocrite
I run to the church
Also I don't preach what I
Write
You must understand
That I also inflicted pain
In you
Can you understand that
I am not a perfect human
Being
I also have my faults

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo Kraas

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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neopoet

3 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem presents a direct and confessional narrative voice, exploring themes of regret, self-awareness, and the aftermath of a fractured relationship. The structure is free verse, with line breaks that often mirror the speaker’s shifting thoughts and emotional turbulence.

The poem’s strengths lie in its rawness and willingness to confront difficult truths, particularly around personal accountability and harm caused. The speaker’s admissions—“I took my frustration on you / I smack you in the head / Living you with a head injury”—are stark and unflinching, which creates a sense of honesty, though the language is sometimes blunt to the point of awkwardness (“Living you with a head injury” appears to be a typographical or grammatical error, possibly intended as “leaving you with a head injury”).

The poem’s emotional arc moves from a declaration of parting (“Tara it is goodbye now”) to a series of self-recriminations and reflections on forgiveness, both from the addressee and from the speaker toward themselves. The poem attempts to balance self-pity (“I will get used living / without you”) with self-critique (“I know that I can't be trusted”), but the tone sometimes wavers between self-justification and genuine remorse.

The language is conversational and unadorned, which can lend authenticity but also risks flattening the emotional impact. Phrases such as “life is a bowl of cherries” and “I will wipe out the bad memories” are clichés that dilute the poem’s otherwise specific and personal content. The poem’s lineation is inconsistent, sometimes breaking lines for emphasis but at other times disrupting the flow without clear purpose.

The poem would benefit from greater attention to imagery and specificity. The emotional stakes are high, but the language often remains at the level of general statement rather than sensory detail or metaphor. Additionally, the poem’s pacing could be improved by condensing repetitive statements and focusing on the most impactful moments.

Overall, the poem engages with difficult subject matter and demonstrates a willingness to confront personal flaws. Further development could focus on refining language, clarifying ambiguous or awkward phrasing, and deepening the exploration of the emotional landscape through concrete imagery and more varied syntax.

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