Bored During Surgery

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem addresses the serious subject of surgical responsibility through a lens of boredom and distraction. The structure relies on three tercets and a closing couplet, creating a sense of progression from the initial state of trance to the consequences of inattention.

The poem’s central tension—between the surgeon’s boredom and the gravity of the task—comes through clearly. The use of phrases like “a tune is beating inside his head” and “not while humming a tune in dreamland” effectively conveys the sense of mental drift. However, the repetition of “tune” in consecutive lines could be reconsidered for variety or to deepen the metaphor.

There is a contrast between the abstract (“a man’s being is asking for a chance”) and the concrete (“a cut is to be made with a steady hand”). The poem might benefit from further development of sensory or situational details to ground the reader more fully in the operating room environment.

The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, which may be intentional, but it draws attention to itself in a way that can distract from the poem’s argument. For example, “precision” and “kill” do not rhyme, and the previous stanzas use slant rhyme or none at all. Establishing a more consistent pattern, or abandoning rhyme altogether in favor of strong line endings, could strengthen the poem’s cohesion.

The poem’s tone is serious, but the phrase “in a state of mind that could kill” is abrupt and didactic. The closing couplet summarizes the message but does so in a way that tells rather than shows. Consider allowing the imagery and situation to imply the danger, rather than stating it directly.

Overall, the poem’s concept is clear and the stakes are well-articulated. Further attention to imagery, diction, and form could help the poem achieve greater impact and subtlety.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

It just reads like a synopsis. I agree that you could use a bit of imagery and better form. You have stated the mission clearly, but have missed the poetic part.

now, it reads like a poem, rather than a statement. ~Geez.

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