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Jul 01, 2025
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Whenever you come into view
I’m not going to lie to you, babe
understand it’s true
as hard as I try I can’t seem to find
the words and the rhyme
to depict how overwhelmed and stunned am I
whenever you come into view
Maybe I’m too dense or too intense
to capture the unquenchable rapture
that flows over me head to toe
grabs me and won’t let go
leaves me not knowing what to do
whenever you come into view
We’ve been with each other for so long now
said so long a few times but couldn’t stay away
and through it all wherever we go
the passion remains
I love you more every day
So I’m not going to lie to you, babe
what I’m saying is nothing but the truth
maybe this passion should have mellowed by now
but it hasn’t somehow
and I have to admit I still lose control, inwardly if not outwardly
whenever you come into view
We’ve been with each other for so long now
said so long a few times but couldn’t stay away
through it all whatever we do or say
the passion remains
I love you more every day
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just a simple love song...
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 4 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores enduring romantic passion, focusing on the speaker’s inability to fully articulate the intensity of feeling experienced in the presence of their partner, even after a long and sometimes tumultuous relationship. The structure relies on repetition, both in the refrain “whenever you come into view” and in the repeated stanza about the couple’s history, which reinforces the cyclical nature of their connection.
The poem’s diction is conversational, with phrases such as “I’m not going to lie to you, babe” and “I have to admit,” which create an intimate, confessional tone. However, this informality sometimes undercuts the emotional stakes, as the language leans on clichés (“overwhelmed and stunned,” “head to toe,” “lose control”) rather than more specific or surprising imagery that might convey the uniqueness of the speaker’s experience.
The rhyme scheme is loose and sometimes inconsistent. While there are attempts at end rhyme (“rhyme”/“find,” “go”/“do”), the poem often defaults to near-rhyme or abandons rhyme altogether. This can create a conversational rhythm, but it also risks making the poem feel less intentional in its form. If the intention is to evoke a songlike quality, tightening the rhyme and meter could strengthen the musicality and memorability of the piece.
Repetition is used to emphasize the enduring nature of the relationship, but the repeated stanza about “said so long a few times but couldn’t stay away” could be further developed or varied on its second appearance to avoid redundancy and to show growth or change over time.
The poem’s emotional arc is clear, but the imagery remains abstract. The poem would benefit from more concrete details or metaphors that ground the speaker’s feelings in sensory experience, allowing the reader to more vividly inhabit the speaker’s emotional state.
Overall, the poem effectively communicates the persistence of desire and affection in a long-term relationship, but could be strengthened by more precise language, varied repetition, and greater attention to form.
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