To Warm Your Soul

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the experience of emotional distress and the desire to offer comfort to someone in pain. The structure is fragmented, with short lines and stanzas that mirror the halting, overwhelmed state of the subject. This fragmentation is effective in conveying the sense of inertia and isolation described in the opening lines.

The poem’s speaker positions themselves as both observer and participant, which creates an interesting tension. The use of the second person (“you”) draws the reader into the immediacy of the scene. The imagery—such as bribing the sun to sleep, trembling in 98 degrees, and the pictures on the wall shouting—leans into surrealism, which helps to externalize the subject’s internal state. The personification of panic as a “nagging ex wife” is a striking metaphor, though it risks trivializing or oversimplifying the complexity of anxiety for some readers.

The poem’s strongest moments occur when it juxtaposes the mundane with the fantastical: the empty home becoming a pub, the cold breeze in hell’s foyer. These lines suggest a longing to transform suffering through imagination and companionship. However, some metaphors—such as “deposit a tear on my account”—veer toward sentimentality and could benefit from more precise language or development.

The poem’s conclusion attempts to reframe panic as powerless, which offers a note of hope. However, the metaphorical language in the final stanza is less original than earlier sections and may dilute the emotional impact.

Overall, the poem’s emotional core is clear, and its fragmented style is well-matched to its subject matter. Consider refining some of the metaphors for greater originality and clarity, and attending to the balance between surreal imagery and emotional specificity. The poem’s voice is strongest when it resists cliché and leans into its inventive, compassionate perspective.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

I'm thinking that you should keep the tense of the conversation in the same tone as the rest of the poem, in the lines:

the pictures
On the wall,
[Grew] impatient
And shouted
"Come on
Help him"

Use [grow] instead of [grew].

The need for punctuation is evident in this one. 
Love your metaphors. ~ Geez.
.