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Jul 07, 2025
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Once a Witch
I used to be a wise woman, many said a witch.
In blood red moon I’d dance, bare flesh, not a stitch.
I swam the seas with mermaid tale, naked once again,
I loved to wade deep water, and to bathe in cool soft rain.
I stood and stirred the cauldron, in broth I tell this tale,
my sisters by my side, we waited, starving for a male.
It seems men have it easy, are charming with great wit,
but we never met a man who could keep our fires lit.
We’re sisters of real beauty, with jet black raven hair,
the men would come and visit us, wide-eyed they had to stare.
We cast our spell upon them, as we chose who to bewitch,
they lay upon the heather, gasping breathless as they twitch.
I have to say my secret, we’re not as lovely as we seem,
I stir the pot, seduce a man, smouldering brew builds to steam.
When he succumbs to passion, this woman takes control,
a foolish man becomes a toy, and I eat him whole.
A man spellbound by charm will roam the corners of the earth,
and give his love freely, as his death becomes rebirth.
Then the woman who deceives him, will smile with fierce delight,
to drag his bones to the grave, as she does each final night.
Kind Sir, I know you want me, you’re starving for my flesh,
hubble bubble, it’s no trouble, each spell I cast is fresh.
Lay down beside me on soft bed, close your eyes and rest,
I’ll satisfy you only once, you failed my final test.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem adopts a confessional, first-person perspective to explore the archetype of the witch, blending elements of folklore, sensuality, and dark humor. The narrative voice is consistent and self-assured, establishing a strong persona that drives the poem’s progression.
Structurally, the poem is composed of six quatrains, each with a clear rhyme scheme (AABB), which lends a rhythmic, almost incantatory quality that suits the subject matter. The meter is generally regular, though some lines are more fluid than others; for example, “I loved to wade deep water, and to bathe in cool soft rain” is longer and less metrically tight than surrounding lines, which can interrupt the poem’s otherwise steady pace.
Thematically, the poem subverts traditional gender roles and fairy tale tropes. The witches are depicted as powerful, autonomous, and predatory, inverting the usual dynamic of women as passive or victimized figures. The poem’s humor is dark and self-aware, particularly in lines such as “a foolish man becomes a toy, and I eat him whole,” which literalizes the metaphor of femme fatale. The final stanza’s direct address to the “Kind Sir” implicates the reader, adding a layer of intimacy and threat.
Imagery is vivid and tactile, especially in descriptions of the witches’ physicality and the natural world (“bare flesh, not a stitch,” “smouldering brew builds to steam,” “drag his bones to the grave”). The use of “hubble bubble” references Macbeth’s witches, grounding the poem in a literary tradition while also signaling a playful tone.
There are moments where the poem’s language lapses into cliché or overstatement (“starving for a male,” “charming with great wit”), which can weaken the overall effect. Additionally, the poem’s reliance on rhyme sometimes leads to forced or predictable word choices, as in “rest/test.” The narrative arc is clear, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by more nuanced characterization or by complicating the speaker’s motivations.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a strong command of voice and atmosphere, with effective use of rhyme and imagery to evoke the world of the witch. Greater attention to meter and more inventive language might further enhance the poem’s impact.
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Candlewitch
2 months 2 weeks ago
Dearest Ruby,
I am caught off guard... I came across this poem and was instantly spellbound! I cannot chose favorite lines because I fell in love with the whole of it, completely! You are one of my favorite storytellers! thank you for sharing your talent with us here on Neopoet!
*many hugs, Candle (but I really am a witch!)
Ruby Lord
2 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Candle, thank you for…
Hi Candle, thank you for reading and your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. I like it too.
I hope your witch work serves you and those around you. I think witches are some of the loveliest people we have on the planet. Their connection to the earth we walk on and the sky we live under is what makes them so fantastic. Keep being your lovely witchy self, you are perfect as you are. Ruby xxx