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Jul 07, 2025
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Summer's Endless Battle.
There's a bloody fly annoying me
Buzzing round my room,
I've hit out with the fly swat,
I've hit out with the broom.
I've hit out with a shovel,
I missed and hit the wife
But I swear I'll get the bastard
And end his useless life.
Watch this space.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 5 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem employs humor and exaggeration to dramatize the familiar annoyance of a household fly. The use of colloquial language and escalating weaponry (from fly swat to shovel) creates a sense of absurdity, which is effective in conveying the speaker’s frustration. The rhyme scheme is consistent and straightforward, supporting the poem’s playful tone.
The narrative voice is clear and relatable, but the poem relies heavily on hyperbole, particularly in the line about hitting the wife with a shovel. This exaggeration may be intended as slapstick, but it risks undermining the humor for some readers due to the implication of violence. If the intent is satire, clarifying the tone or pushing the absurdity further could help signal this more clearly.
The closing line, “Watch this space,” functions as a punchline, inviting the reader to anticipate further escalation. This ending is effective in maintaining the comic tension established throughout the poem.
For further development, consider experimenting with more vivid imagery or sensory details to heighten the atmosphere of the “battle.” Additionally, exploring the speaker’s emotional state or providing a twist in perspective could deepen the poem’s impact. Overall, the poem succeeds in capturing the irritation of a common summer nuisance through humor and exaggeration, though the use of physical violence as a comic device may warrant reconsideration depending on the intended audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Punkyfrewster
2 weeks 5 days ago
Alex,
I thoroughly enjoyed this little battle with the fly. The part about missing and hitting the wife took me by surprise and made me laugh. Great job!
Alex Tanner
2 weeks 4 days ago
The Fly
Thank you Punky, It took me the time it took to type this in. Probably about 2 minuted. Wonderful what can be achieved when the mind is focussed. Alex
Jokerface82
2 weeks ago
Pahaha
Hope she's OK
Alex Tanner
2 weeks ago
She's Fine
Thank you Joker, take more than a spat in the head from a shovel to lay her out. Alex