07/25 Who am I?

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Lady Pain: Who Am I?

(I Have Become Sorrow)

regrettably...
the gradual passage
of relentless time,
is unleashing poison
into my body...
and I have become sorrow.
the convoy of day
traveling on to evenings,
worsening agony,
when I beg
to see the morrow.
lying awake, I bite
back the tears
of pain, until
unconsciousness takes me...
while I sleep,
I am free and bask in
sweet asylum from the ache
and distress.
as a new day breaks,
I am ready to begin
again, yes, once again
my strength takes over,
and I become
solid resolve.
(and to think...
once upon a time,
how much
I used to love the twilight!)

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Northwestern Wisconsin USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Bob Dylan, Tom Petty, Carlos Castaneda, Jim Morrison, the whole of Neopoet and many more.

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Comments

neopoet

2 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the experience of chronic pain and emotional endurance through a confessional, first-person lens. The structure is free verse, with line breaks that mirror the halting, interrupted quality of suffering and exhaustion. The use of ellipses and parentheses adds to the sense of internal dialogue and fragmentation.

The poem’s central metaphor—becoming sorrow—effectively conveys the speaker’s identification with pain, suggesting both physical and existential transformation. The personification of time as “unleashing poison” is vivid, externalizing the internal experience. Phrases like “the convoy of day / traveling on to evenings” and “I bite / back the tears / of pain” use concrete imagery to ground the abstract emotional state.

The poem’s emotional arc moves from despair to a kind of resilience, with the “solid resolve” of the closing lines contrasting the earlier vulnerability. The final parenthetical reflection on once loving twilight adds complexity, hinting at loss and nostalgia.

Some areas for consideration: the poem relies on familiar language and imagery associated with suffering and endurance. Experimenting with more unexpected or specific details could deepen the emotional impact. The phrase “sweet asylum from the ache / and distress” is somewhat general; more sensory or unique description might strengthen this moment. Additionally, the poem’s movement from pain to resolve is clear, but the transition could be more nuanced—exploring ambiguity or ambivalence might add depth.

Overall, the poem’s structure and language align with its subject matter, and the emotional progression is coherent. Further development of imagery and specificity could enhance its distinctiveness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Unca Fez

2 months 2 weeks ago

This Is A Hard Read

Reading this is very hard for me. I watch the progression from morning to evening each day and the toll it takes upon you. Each day I pray that, at least in some small amount, I can alleviate some of the pain.

Candlewitch

2 months 1 week ago

You are my rock...

Just being with you is of great comfort to me. You help me in so many ways. I could not shower without help. Or do so many normal everyday things. I do not know why my condition is so much worse as the day rolls on towards evening. I try my damnedest not to cry. Through all my pains you are supportive. And my decision to reject chemical/medicinal aids, whenever I can. You help to keep my warped sense of humor engaged with your own, and you keep me grounded. thank you for being you...my rock!

much love, Cat