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Jul 14, 2025
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PRIVATE COMPANION
The pen felt
like a long lost companion
longing his touch.
It was light and responsive in his
hand, it squeaked and
scratched gingerly across the
page. It was like he hadn't
gone away to the south of
France to escape.
The slit in the nib was
precisely cut to perfection
allowing a careless flow
and prevented his ink
to famish.
The ammonia
and chemicals brewed a
concoction embodying
the man's library comfortably.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores the intimate relationship between the writer and the pen, personifying the pen as a companion with its own desires and characteristics. The central metaphor is compelling, suggesting a deep connection to the act of writing.
To enhance clarity and impact, consider refining some of the imagery and phrasing. For example, the line "craving a presence to him" feels slightly awkward; rephrasing it to "craving his presence" or "longing for his touch" might improve flow and comprehension. The phrase "like he didn't cancel any dinner plans or reservations" introduces a metaphor that could be more directly connected to the pen’s responsiveness—perhaps clarifying the comparison or replacing it with a more vivid image would strengthen the poem.
The technical description of the nib and ink ("The slit in the nib was precisely cut to perfection," "prevented his ink to famish") is interesting but could benefit from more precise language. "Famish" as a verb here is unconventional; "dry out" or "run dry" might be clearer. Additionally, the phrase "ammonia and chemicals brewed a concoction embodying the man's library comfortably" is evocative but somewhat abstract. Expanding on what "embodying the man's library" means could deepen the poem’s thematic resonance.
Overall, focusing on tightening the language, clarifying metaphors, and ensuring consistent tone will strengthen the poem's emotional and sensory impact.
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