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Jul 14, 2025
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Memories of Lemonade and You
Bare feet pressed against the wooden porch.
Laughter spilled like lemonade.
The sunlight clung to our glasses
and danced with every ice cube
Citrus-sweet air,
rising like a memory
Not yet made,
but eager to return
Bright smiles,
as wide as the summer sky-
We said all but
“I love you”
Although unspoken,
It lingered-tangible and sweet
Like the first
of many lemonade kisses
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
1 week 5 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem effectively uses sensory imagery to evoke a nostalgic, summery atmosphere. The tactile detail of “bare feet pressed against the wooden porch” immediately situates the reader in a specific, intimate setting. The simile “laughter spilled like lemonade” is apt, connecting the emotional tone to the central motif of lemonade, which recurs throughout the poem.
The line “The sunlight clung to our glasses / and danced with every ice cube” extends the sensory experience, layering visual and kinetic imagery. The phrase “Citrus-sweet air, / rising like a memory / Not yet made, / but eager to return” introduces a temporal ambiguity that is intriguing; the idea of a memory “not yet made” but “eager to return” suggests longing or the anticipation of nostalgia, which is a sophisticated emotional note.
The stanza “Bright smiles, / as wide as the summer sky- / We said all but / ‘I love you’” uses a familiar metaphor (“as wide as the summer sky”) that aligns with the poem’s tone, though it risks cliché. The emotional restraint in “We said all but / ‘I love you’” is effective, and the following lines reinforce the theme of unspoken affection: “Although unspoken, / It lingered-tangible and sweet / Like the first / of many lemonade kisses.” The metaphor of “lemonade kisses” ties the emotional content back to the poem’s central image.
Formally, the poem employs short lines and stanzas, which create a sense of breath and space, mirroring the leisurely pace of a summer afternoon. The punctuation is inconsistent (for example, the use of hyphens and line breaks in place of more standard punctuation), which may be intentional to evoke a sense of informality, but could be reconsidered for clarity and flow.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its sensory detail and its ability to evoke a mood of gentle longing. The central metaphor of lemonade is sustained throughout, though there may be an opportunity to further develop or complicate this image to avoid sentimentality. Consider refining some of the more familiar metaphors and clarifying the temporal ambiguity in the second stanza to strengthen the poem’s emotional impact.
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Alex Tanner
1 week 5 days ago
Lemonade
I really enjoyed the memories evoked by this. So many seem only to pen words of doom and gloom it makes a refreshing change. How I recall those summers of long ago with pretty (and sometimes not so pretty) girls. Halcyon days. Alex.
BlueSkies
1 week 5 days ago
Alex,
Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I, too, write about doom and gloom. More often than I'd like to admit. Somehow, I find it easier to put words to what I'm feeling or experiencing when it is enveloped in sadness. This was refreshing for me as well. I don' have many sad things to write about these days, so there will be more like this to come!
Clentin
1 week ago
Very nice poem, congrats!
Very nice poem, congrats!
BlueSkies
1 week ago
Clentin,