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Jul 15, 2025
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Cash strapped despondent citizen banker
in unrelenting deep purple Depeche Mode crisis...
the yeast you could do
for a crusty and crabby old man,
(who I know
like the back of my clawed hand),
albeit well bred wordsmith doth wonder,
whose person analogously baited
courtesy being at the receiving end
of one after another phishing schemes
whereat identity thieves stole
loot linkedin with checking account
making out like Smokey and the Bandits
appellation Matthew Scott Harris
whose finances compromised and rent asunder,
hence, he desperately needs
for peace of mind to bolster meager funds
by hook or crook
scaring up dough or bread
cuz he doth really knead
to get himself out of the red
even in an attempt to garner pocket change
courtesy when a Facebook messenger
did send him (meaning me) Zelle provisions,
he (I) went on a wild goose chase
unwittingly and to be truthfully honest,
yours truly subsequently hoisted himself
with one's (his) own petard
invariably "victimized
or hurt by his own scheme."
Unbeknownst to the writer of these words
if he can connive videlicet
raking in some bucks
and celebrate quaffing White Zinfandel
broadcasting desperate need for moolah
other than by a rebel yell
(calling upon necessity,
the mother of invention
to plant seed of acquiescence)
analogous to toss a coin into a wishing well
within the mind of countless readers
who at the least give me credit for trying
to compose prose like freestyle
versus following the dictate
and mandate of say a villanelle
who do not dismiss my cents less twattle
but avoid being dilatory
and lo and behold respond "Mach schnell"
gift mine panic stricken state and quell
such agitation by buzzfeeding
nattering nabob of nativity
paying me in the equivalent
of money strongly resembling
chocolate tin foil covered pizzelle
despite thoughts ricocheting pell-mell
humor the best medicine in a nutshell
in my mind to cope with adversity
never experienced by Matty Mattel
whereat the character "Matty"
from the Mattel logo
not invented by a specific individual;
rather, the character derived
from the name of the company, Mattel,
which itself is a combination
of the names of Mattel co-founders,
Harold Matson and Elliot Handler;
they also agreed to include serrated seal logo,
designed in 1955, featured a small boy
wearing a crown, who got named Matty,
referencing the company's name
which female counterpart
to above toy named "Labelle"
a French term, meaning
"the beautiful one" (feminine)
often used as a nickname,
particularly in the context
of beauty or attractiveness.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a dense, allusive narrative that intertwines personal financial distress with cultural references and wordplay. The voice is conversational yet layered, employing a mix of archaic diction ("doth," "videlicet") and contemporary slang ("scaring up dough," "wild goose chase"), which creates an intriguing tension but can also challenge reader accessibility.
Strengths: - The thematic core—financial vulnerability compounded by identity theft and scams—is timely and relatable. - The poem’s playful use of language, puns (e.g., "yeast you could do," "knead"), and cultural nods (Depeche Mode, Smokey and the Bandits, Mattel history) enriches the texture and invites multiple readings. - The self-referential commentary on poetic form and the creative process adds a meta-poetic dimension that deepens the work.
Areas for development: 1. **Clarity and Focus:** The poem’s dense allusions and shifting registers sometimes obscure the emotional core. Consider streamlining some sections to foreground the speaker’s experience and emotional stakes more clearly. 2. **Line Breaks and Pacing:** The poem reads as a continuous flow of ideas with limited variation in rhythm or pause. Introducing more deliberate line breaks or stanzas could enhance readability and emphasize key moments or images. 3. **Tone Consistency:** The oscillation between humor, frustration, and erudition is engaging but occasionally feels uneven. Balancing these tones more deliberately might strengthen the poem’s overall impact. 4. **Imagery and Concrete Detail:** While the poem uses clever wordplay, incorporating more vivid, concrete images related to the speaker’s financial struggles could heighten emotional resonance and ground the abstract references. 5. **Audience Engagement:** The poem’s intellectual density may limit accessibility. If the goal is to connect broadly, consider ways to make the language and references more inviting without sacrificing complexity.
Overall, the poem is ambitious and inventive but would benefit from careful editing to sharpen its emotional clarity and rhythmic flow, thereby enhancing its communicative power.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months 1 week ago
Well, well...
it seems like the A.I. is doing a good job of critiquing your work for a change; and here I was going to leave a bare comment saying that I thought that the deviation from the original focus of the piece didn't quite get back to the original theme. As always, I was intrigued by your collaboration with the English [sometimes] other country language. I suppose that I could go off on a tangent describing how [American English] is really a conglomerate of so many different dialects and foreign words, but... I'm sure that it is of no surprise to a wordsmith such as yourself. So, I will close this missive with the not so original admonishment of "Keep on Truckin' ~ Geez.
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