Saw-Kill Baby

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem employs a dark narrative, using vivid imagery and a clear progression from victimization to revenge. The opening stanza establishes a somber tone through visual details—"smokey eyes sunken in," "colorless face," and "coal-black hair"—which effectively evoke the protagonist's trauma and emotional state. The phrase "masking life's cruelty without a trace" is somewhat ambiguous; it could benefit from clarification, as it is unclear whether the hair is hiding evidence of cruelty or if the protagonist is concealing pain.

The second stanza shifts from physical to psychological wounds, with "the bruises had healed, but the wounds stayed fresh." This juxtaposition is effective, though the line "the memories, they wouldn't let her rest" is less concise and could be tightened for impact. The phrase "tore through the mesh" is metaphorical but could be more specific—what is the mesh? Is it a literal barrier, or a figurative one (such as mental or social constraints)? Greater specificity would enhance the reader's understanding.

The third stanza moves into the act of revenge, with "piece by piece, she took him apart," which is direct and visceral. The rhyme between "apart" and "heart" is functional, but the line "did he have one or not?" introduces a rhetorical question that adds psychological depth, though its placement at the stanza's end slightly disrupts the momentum.

The final stanza uses sensory language—"screams sustained her," "flipped the switch," "blade hummed," and "blood spattered"—to create a climactic and violent scene. The phrase "He had messed with the wrong witch" introduces a supernatural or metaphorical element, but this is not foreshadowed earlier in the poem. If the witch motif is literal, earlier hints would help integrate it; if metaphorical, consider making the transformation or empowerment more explicit.

Overall, the poem's structure is coherent, and the narrative arc is clear. Consider refining ambiguous phrases and developing the protagonist's transformation more fully to strengthen the emotional and thematic impact. The poem's reliance on violence as catharsis is effective within the genre but could be deepened by exploring the aftermath or the protagonist's internal state post-revenge.

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I love how you picked this guy apart with surgeon like precision! my favorite lines (tho' hard to choose) are:

His screams sustained her,
as she flipped the switch.
The blade hummed as the blood spattered.
He had messed with the wrong witch.

Wonderful and griping!

with affection. Cat & eddy styx

Rose,

Back again! Glad to see your poem. True definition of a witch!

Liked it very much!

Don't mees with a sorceress you fool! Well done and enjoyed - thank you!

Hi Rose, I enjoyed your poem and in particular, the way you painted your character and their pain. 

Was it a nod to Cohen? I associated your imagery with his song :)  Ruby xx

the thought of taking the subject apart, piece by piece; with the heart being the last part.

I think that you might trim and polish a few lines to meet the count; 

you can lose a couple of words in the third line of the second stanza, and make it:

memories wouldn't let her rest.

the last line of the third, the last line could read:

did he have one or did he not?

How about:

His screams sustain her
as she flips the switch
The blade hums, blood spatters
Don't mess with this witch!

Bloody hell, and we like it, ~ Geez.

.

Could this be a sister of eddy styx? She seems to have the same level of creativity, but aimed at a male villain. Lovely!

Steve