THE DARKNESS SPAKE!

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores the dynamic tension between light and shadow, personifying shadow as a powerful, ancient force that challenges the sun. The voice of Shadow is assertive and imbued with a sense of primordial wisdom, which creates a compelling narrative tension.

Strengths: - The poem effectively uses mythic and cosmic imagery ("Son of the sun," "clothed the Cosmos' nakedness," "kissed Time") to elevate the conflict beyond the personal to the universal. - The use of rhetorical questions ("Why? why do you hate me so?") invites the reader into the shadow’s perspective and creates emotional engagement. - The metaphor of shadow as a guardian of hidden truths ("I hid heaven's sins," "Our Father's shame and insecurities") adds complexity and depth to the figure of shadow, moving beyond a simple antagonist to a keeper of secrets. - The closing lines evoke a vast, infinite presence, reinforcing the idea that shadow is an eternal and inescapable force.

Areas for improvement: - The rhyme scheme is somewhat irregular and occasionally forced (e.g., "volt" and "revolt"), which can disrupt the flow. Consider revising these lines to maintain a smoother rhythm or more consistent rhyme pattern. - Some phrases could be clarified or tightened for greater impact. For example, "I am but life's impenetrable volt" is somewhat obscure; "volt" as a metaphor may not be immediately clear to readers. - The poem might benefit from more varied line lengths and pacing to enhance the dramatic tension, especially in the later stanzas. - The phrase "No peeping Tom could claim he sees" introduces a colloquial reference that feels slightly out of place in the otherwise lofty tone. Reconsidering this line could help maintain the poem’s elevated voice.

Overall, the poem presents a strong conceptual framework and vivid imagery but could be strengthened by refining its formal elements and clarifying some metaphors for greater resonance.

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Hello, WA,

You always bring a unique and captivating theme, making the reader pause for a spell!

"Is that why you hate me so?

That I know all there is to know..."

I understand the intent for imagery - which is strong - but the personification is wonderfully intriguing.  Another creative poem!

I do wonder a couple things:

I tripped just a bit with the title...I wanted to read, "The Darkness Spake" instead of "The Dark Spake." Darkness seems to flow a little easier, but that may just be me.

The rhyme and near rhyme were working well until the third stanza, lines 3 and 4:  you and fair were noticeably not rhymes.  Again, that may just be me.

Another beauty that I enjoyed reading over several times.

Thank you!

L

enjoyed this. I think that you have confused a word or two with different meanings.
Somehow, you got the meaning of a word that means "a safe of some kind, where you keep valuables, and the word for an electric unit, mixed up. I would be okay with that, if the words were pronounced the same, but they are not.  
Vault, [and would have to do with hoarding], which I'm sure that you meant, and revolt are close enough, because of all the near rhyme in this piece. I will exhort you and anyone to develop an extensive vocabulary, which can be used to keep a regular rhythm; by knowing the definition of a word, and what words mean pretty near the same [synonyms] and the words you want to rhyme with. If you aren't sure, google the word or just ask your browser to define the word. Keep reading and writing, take time to look up a couple of words a week, in order to familiarize yourself with them, write them in a sentence, use them! All in all, a good piece that can be smoothed out easily. ~ Geez.
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A poem that reaches into the underbelly of darkness! I love it! My favorite lines are:

I clothed the Cosmos' nakedness,
In a garment of unrelenting blackness,
No peeping Tom could claim he sees,
Our Father's shame and insecurities
I am but life's impenetrable volt
Hoarding worlds and all their deeds’ revolt

this is beyond brilliance.... Keep right on writing them!!!

fondly, Cat