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This poem is part of the contest:

Neopoet Weekly 08/10/25 to 08/16/25

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What The Wind Remembers

She drifts across
the bones left
on the mountaintop—
whisking away
a hiker’s final breath.

The gale
sprays saltwater,
rocks the ship
of lost explorers.

She rips through houses
of the innocent,
hearing their screams
threaded through gusts.

She listens to soft cries
as her breeze
wanders graveyards,
carrying echoes away.

The scent
of petrichor trails her
before rainfall—
and of pumpkin pie
through an open
Thanksgiving window.

She cradles lullabies
for the new,
the old,
and those
who will never hear them.

She does not forget.
She does not leave.

You’re never alone—
Not in the stillness,
Not in the storm.

She’s with you
in every breath.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: GA, U.S.

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem personifies the wind as a witness and carrier of memory, moving through scenes of death, loss, comfort, and everyday life. The structure employs short, enjambed lines that create a sense of movement and breath, mirroring the subject. The poem’s progression moves from the dramatic (bones on a mountaintop, lost explorers) to the intimate (scents of rain and pie, lullabies), suggesting the wind’s omnipresence and emotional resonance.

The use of the feminine pronoun for the wind is consistent and helps sustain the personification. The poem’s imagery is concrete and varied, balancing the physical (saltwater, graveyards, petrichor) with the intangible (breath, lullabies, echoes). The repetition of “She” at the start of several stanzas reinforces the wind’s agency.

The poem’s emotional arc moves from loss and violence toward comfort and companionship, culminating in the direct address of the final stanzas. The closing lines, “She’s with you / in every breath,” tie the wind to the reader’s own existence, reinforcing the theme of connection.

Considerations for revision might include examining the balance between the poem’s darker and lighter images. The early stanzas are heavy with death and loss, while the later stanzas shift toward comfort and nostalgia. If the intent is to show the wind as a keeper of all memory, this contrast is effective, but some readers may find the transition abrupt. The poem might benefit from further integration of these tones throughout, or from a more gradual modulation between them.

The poem’s language is generally restrained and avoids overt sentimentality, though lines such as “She cradles lullabies / for the new, / the old, / and those / who will never hear them” approach a more sentimental register. Depending on the intended audience, this may be effective or may risk diluting the poem’s earlier starkness.

The poem’s use of second person in the final stanzas shifts the focus from the wind to the reader, which can be a powerful move. However, this shift could be prepared for earlier in the poem, perhaps through subtle indications of the wind’s relationship to the living before the direct address.

Overall, the poem’s formal choices support its thematic concerns, and the imagery is evocative. Further refinement could focus on tonal transitions and the integration of the wind’s dual roles as both harbinger of loss and bearer of comfort.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Geezer

1 month 2 weeks ago

Yes...

the wind remembers. I really like the theme here. The wind has a lot of significance to me, as I am tied to the rush of wind in my lungs; having lung disease makes me hyper-aware of the movement of air, and therefore the wind. Nicely done, ~ Geezer.

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BlueSkies

BlueSkies

1 month 2 weeks ago

Geezer,

I am sorry to hear about your lung disease... I am, however, happy that you enjoyed the poem.  Thank you! 

Lavender

Lavender

1 month 2 weeks ago

What The Wind Remembers

Hello, BlueSkies,

Lovely personification.  Really enjoy the feeling that this form of Mother Nature is always with us, greater than us, caring for us. The universal message tethering The Wind and our own breath together, interconnected.

Thank you for this!

L

BlueSkies

BlueSkies

1 month 1 week ago

Lavender,

Thank you for your kind comment! I'm glad you enjoyed it.