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The Mayflies
It was because of the mayflies
Who by dying in droves
Made me think about my life
And what I was to make of it
I wish you could see them too
See for yourself how full of life
How boldly they go after it
For only a few hours
Seemingly knowing something
Man is yet to realize
The piles of their dead
Could move you to tears the next morning
But before the last one died in the dark
I was overcome with emotion
Realizing that in one night
He'd had more life
Than I'd had in twenty five years
To be a mayfly on a warm night
Having all of life ahead of you
Love, friendship, fulfillment
To know that time means nothing
When you're barely even living
A. Swantalala
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Nature and introspection. Same old same old. Thanks for reading.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 4 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively uses the mayfly as a metaphor for the intensity and brevity of life, prompting reflection on how one chooses to live. The imagery of mayflies dying "in droves" and the "piles of their dead" creates a vivid, almost haunting scene that underscores the transient nature of existence. The contrast between the mayfly's brief but vibrant life and the speaker's longer, less fulfilled years is a compelling emotional pivot.
To enhance the poem's impact, consider tightening some lines for rhythm and clarity. For example, the phrase "Seemingly knowing something / Man is yet to realize" could be more concise or rephrased to strengthen the sense of mystery or insight attributed to the mayflies. Additionally, the line "To know that time means nothing / When you're barely even living" feels somewhat contradictory—if time means nothing, it suggests a timelessness, but "barely even living" implies a lack of vitality. Clarifying this tension could deepen the thematic resonance.
The poem might also benefit from varied punctuation and line breaks to control pacing and emphasize key moments, such as the emotional realization in the penultimate stanza. Finally, exploring more specific sensory details or metaphors related to the mayflies’ environment could enrich the imagery and draw readers further into the scene.
Overall, the poem invites thoughtful contemplation on life’s value and duration, and with some refinement, its emotional and philosophical insights could be even more striking.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
whitetea
3 weeks 4 days ago
Mayflies have such brief…
Mayflies have such brief life cycles and it makes sense to ponder on our own life's cycles. I enjoyed reading this.
whitetea
3 weeks 4 days ago
Mayflies have such brief…
Mayflies have such brief life cycles and it makes sense to ponder on our own life's cycles. I enjoyed reading this.
whitetea
3 weeks 4 days ago
Mayflies have such brief…
Mayflies have such brief life cycles and it makes sense to ponder on our own life's cycles. I enjoyed reading this.
Ace Swantalala
3 weeks 3 days ago
For some strange reason
I find myself drawn to them. This isn't the first time I wrote something like this about them either. And every time it seems to be something more serious than just dying insects.
Thank you for reading.
Rula
3 weeks 4 days ago
Hello Trail
Thank you for sharing this one.
I don't remember I've ever seen the Mayfly the way you've described in this way , so thank you for introducing it in this one.
A Well-put descriptive piece. Overwhelming in a way and hit the cord in many!
Thank you!
Ace Swantalala
3 weeks 3 days ago
Hey Rula
Trying to see the amazing in the ordinary I guess.
I'm glad you enjoyed reading through it. Thanks
Lavender
3 weeks 4 days ago
The Mayflies
Hello, Trail,
A mysterious living being, giving so much to the ecology and other living creatures. A powerful lesson within your poem - the quality of our time and what we do with it.
Thank you!
L
Ace Swantalala
3 weeks 3 days ago
Hey L
Sometimes I discover that I've missed something within the poem and only after it's pointed out by someone I'm like damn, it's right there.
Thanks for the love