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Sep 03, 2025
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Just Fine
I am fine first thing, in the morning,
As many things consume my day.
Fine until the next disaster,
Comes tumbling my sorry way.
I will be fine until I've eaten,
Until the rumbles start to come.
Fine until that food,
Churns in annoyance around my tum.
I will be fine until the evening,
When I watch the news on my TV.
Fine until the wars and suffering,
Is all that I can see.
Yet, I won't be fine at night
When I lay my weary head,
Trying my hardest not to worry
And tossing around my bed.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 weeks 3 days ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem effectively captures the fluctuating nature of emotional resilience throughout a day marked by external pressures and internal unrest. The repeated phrase "I am fine" or "I will be fine" serves as a refrain that underscores the speaker’s effort to maintain composure despite mounting challenges. This repetition creates a rhythmic anchor but could be varied slightly in wording or placement to enhance the poem’s dynamic quality and avoid predictability.
The poem’s structure, with its four quatrains, provides a clear temporal progression from morning to night, which helps the reader follow the speaker’s emotional trajectory. The use of concrete moments—eating, watching the news, and lying in bed—grounds the poem in relatable daily experiences. However, some lines could benefit from more vivid or precise imagery. For example, "rumbles start to come" and "churns in annoyance around my tum" convey physical discomfort but might be enriched by more sensory detail or metaphor to deepen the reader’s engagement.
The shift from personal physical discomfort to global suffering in the third stanza adds an important dimension, linking individual and collective anxieties. This thematic expansion is compelling but could be developed further to explore how these external events specifically impact the speaker’s internal state, perhaps through more nuanced emotional language or metaphor.
The final stanza effectively conveys the difficulty of finding peace at night, but the phrase "trying my hardest not to worry / And tossing around my bed" feels somewhat straightforward and could be reimagined with more evocative language or imagery to leave a stronger emotional impression.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its honest portrayal of vulnerability and the struggle to maintain a facade of being "fine." Enhancing the imagery and varying the refrain could elevate the emotional resonance and lyrical quality.
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Geezer
3 weeks 2 days ago
Anxiety...
and physical discomfort go hand-in-hand with so many people caught in the same predicament as yourself. I imagine that it is the same for many of us, but especially so for the people who suffer from the physically devastating form that you have. This piece is well done with the meter pretty good for the most part and I had no problems in figuring out the plot of the story. Good stuff, ~ Geez.
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