you were never mine

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem explores themes of longing, absence, and self-healing, centering on a relationship with a father figure that is defined by lack rather than presence. The emotional core is clear and the narrative arc moves from loss to the tentative hope of self-sufficiency.

The poem’s strength lies in its restraint and specificity. Lines such as “the warmth of a hand that only touched my hair once” and “I ache for a father / I never truly had” evoke a sense of intimacy and deprivation without resorting to melodrama. The repetition of “I miss” and “I ache” helps to establish a tone of yearning, while the shift in the final stanza toward self-compassion provides a sense of movement and growth.

The poem’s structure—short lines, brief stanzas—mirrors the fragmentation of the speaker’s experience. This fragmentation is effective in conveying the sense of incompleteness and longing. However, there is an opportunity to deepen the imagery and specificity in some places. For example, the line “for words I never heard” could be made more concrete by suggesting what those words might have been, or how their absence was felt in daily life.

The use of the phrase “I grieve ghosts, / shadows of what could have been” is somewhat abstract; grounding this metaphor in a more tangible image could heighten its impact. Additionally, the line “where I was held without being held” is evocative, but the poem could benefit from exploring this paradox further—perhaps by showing a moment or gesture that encapsulates this emotional ambiguity.

The closing lines gesture toward hope and self-acceptance. The phrase “build the love I longed for / inside my own chest” is effective, though the final line “and it will be enough” risks sentimentality. Consider whether ending on a more ambiguous note might better reflect the ongoing nature of healing.

Overall, the poem demonstrates a clear emotional throughline and effective use of restraint. Further development of concrete imagery and exploration of emotional paradoxes could deepen its resonance.

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Enjoyed the read. I think the 2nd and 4th stanzas are very good. If you were to omit the 3rd stanza that would widen the scope/appeal of the poem.

for me, are the lines: 

I grieve ghosts,
shadows of what could have been,
and still, my heart insists
on carrying their weight.

This could have been me; longing for the comfort of a hug, the touch of a father who was constrained by the hard and fast notion that men don't cry or feel snuggly. ~ Geez

Hello, pinky,

A sad yearning with an undesirable but determined resolution.  Thank you for sharing.

L

Sad but beautiful, thank you for sharing this poem.

                                Regards Roscoe.....