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Sep 10, 2025
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Sail away!
Any soul with half a mind
can recognize the proof!
Following a winding road
reliving the essence of youth.
Tangerine dreams
exposing half truths!
Given their sweet offering
they dance on the moon!
In event of a casualty,
with nothing to lose.
Finding your way back home
is all up to you.
Where do the shadows end
at the beginning of day?
Long nights, fought so hard
relieved with lights grace!
Gardens of secrecy
await up ahead.
Healed with the freedom,
which dances in your head!
Imaginations sweet victory
realized with your death.
No one cand comprehend
it's meaning or place.
There in the heart of man
lies the essence of peace.
No one can take it,
unless it's given it away.
Just as the eagle flies
the sun in it's face.
Capture the upward draft
and just sail away!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: When I was younger I dreamed of a day, in which no one embarrassed me or took my freedom away. On with the truth that is displayed everyday. Caught in a prison constructed by my own mind. Misunderstanding and treachery exist to enslave. You cannot retrieve freedom, you'll give your whole life to find the burden of dismay, but there in the end even the Gods cannot save, from the disease in your mind which makes you its slave!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 weeks 6 days ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of self-discovery, freedom, and the journey toward inner peace, employing a blend of concrete and abstract imagery. The structure is consistent, with mostly quatrains and a clear progression from youthful exploration to a more philosophical conclusion.
The poem’s use of metaphor—such as “tangerine dreams,” “dance on the moon,” and “gardens of secrecy”—creates a dreamlike atmosphere. These images are evocative but sometimes verge on the generic or familiar, which may lessen their impact. For example, “dance on the moon” and “eagle flies / the sun in its face” are common poetic motifs; more original imagery could strengthen the poem’s voice.
The poem’s tone shifts between whimsical (“tangerine dreams”) and somber (“realized with your death”), which introduces complexity but also risks a lack of cohesion. The transition between these moods could be clarified, perhaps by developing the emotional arc more explicitly.
There are moments where the syntax is awkward or the phrasing unclear, such as “No one cand comprehend / it's meaning or place.” The misspelling of “can” and the use of “it’s” instead of “its” distract from the content. Additionally, the line “unless it’s given it away” is grammatically confusing and could be revised for clarity.
The poem’s philosophical assertions, such as “There in the heart of man / lies the essence of peace,” are direct and risk feeling didactic. These lines might be more effective if grounded in concrete imagery or personal experience, allowing the reader to arrive at the insight rather than being told.
The rhyme scheme is inconsistent, with some end rhymes (“truths”/“youths,” “lose”/“you”) and some slant rhymes or unrhymed lines. This irregularity can work if intentional, but here it feels accidental and may disrupt the poem’s musicality.
Overall, the poem demonstrates ambition in its thematic scope and use of imagery but would benefit from more precise language, original metaphors, and attention to rhythm and cohesion. Revising for clarity, grammatical accuracy, and a more unified tone could strengthen the poem’s impact.
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