This Time

this time
I won't do that again
so what do I do
I do it again!

the human psyche
is a bitch
full of shit
mostly

but then, though not often
brilliance times ten
from the same mentality
who repeatedly
puts his boots on the wrong foot

If you are not crazy by now
you haven' lived long enough
for some it takes a lifetime and a half
but, as you see
once again
there is something wrong with this logic

I won't do that again

yeah, right!

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: upstate New York USA, USA

Comments

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

I'd get rid of the yeah right

I'd get rid of the yeah right as well. It's not necessary, the poem makes itself clear you've already tripped up on that aspect of holding true to form and not making the same mistake. I'd pare it down a little further and in the beginning just say 'this time i won't do that' and leave the 'again' for the end if so desired. I must admit to chuckling because I think this is something we can all relate too.

Kailashana2

14 years 2 months ago

I love it just the way it is

I love it just the way it is though I'd put (yeah, right!) in parentheses, after all you're only talking to yourself.

Funny, I was just thinking that myself. Fuzzy logic. lol.

brittle light

14 years 2 months ago

hello Chrys, chez, and Anna

All of you are wonderful poets. Your intelligence is palpable in your poems and critiques. Your comments and suggestions on this small piece make make sense, and I am honored each and every time you take the time to do so.
I often do not edit or re-edit immediatly, not wanting to appear to hog the top of the activity list, as well as needing time to sort out sometimes conflicting suggestions...all given with the best intentions.
thank you all
I really do appreciate your thoughts
and admire your talent
sincerely