Unveiling

 me a little bit to unravel the tempo for this rhyming piece.
Because the words were so unordinary, I hesitated to ask you to change anything, for fear of ruining whatever rhythm that you had achieved. I watched the punctuation to discern what you were working at. In doing so, I found a line that I think could be adjusted to meet the rest of the poem. I think that the line:

[each glistens one by one without a sound"] could be:

each one glistens without a sound. I would go over the whole thing again, and try to discover the natural beathing pauses, and add or subtract commas. But I like this very much. ~ Geez.
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I read the poem several times before I read Geezer's critique.  

I too had difficulty on the first read establishing flow and meter.  On subsequent reads, it started to work better, but remained somewhat difficult.

That's why we call them drafts!  I loved the poem's thoughts and contents.

Thanks, Will

I'm such a novice at poetry that I did not know it was a sonnet, nor did I know the required syllable count, stress, etc.

With that said, perhaps it's perfect as written.  I learn something new everyday from you folks. Thanks.

This is so beautiful! I don't agree with the gentlemen's feedback. It might be using a less familiar language but still and for that reason I find it fascinating. The title also works great for me.

I definitely love the closing couplet,

How vast, how wide, how deep each galaxy
unfolds, unfurls, unmasks Eternity.

Thank you for sharing this beauty dear.