Hope turned Quite

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem effectively conveys a deep emotional struggle, capturing the tension between hope and despair. The imagery of tears carving paths down the skin is visceral and immediate, grounding the reader in the speaker’s pain. The contrast between the "future blazing with hope" and the present filled with doubt creates a poignant narrative arc that many can relate to.

The use of direct questions ("How did things turn out like this?") invites readers into the speaker’s inner turmoil, making the experience more intimate. The personification of questions as entities that "circle endlessly," "bite," and "suffocate" is particularly strong, illustrating how internal conflict can feel invasive and relentless.

One area for potential refinement is in the rhythm and flow. Some lines feel slightly uneven in length, which can disrupt the reading pace. For example, the line "Who offers me no tomorrow to walk toward" could be tightened or rephrased for smoother cadence. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures to enhance the poem’s musicality and emotional impact.

The ending is powerful, with the speaker acknowledging their exhaustion and brokenness while still holding onto a fading dream. This ambivalence is compelling but might be strengthened by a more concrete image or metaphor to leave a lasting impression.

Overall, the poem’s emotional honesty and vivid imagery are its greatest strengths. With some attention to rhythm and perhaps a more striking closing image, it could resonate even more deeply.

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in a language other than ones' own, we often discover that we do not have the capacity to make our ideas as clear as we would writing in our native language.
Each and every language has its' particulars when it comes to pronunciation and usage of certain words. Spelling makes up a good part of a language, and the use of look-alike words can spell trouble for the unwary. I think the word you are looking for in the title is Quiet, meaning not so loud.

I get the tears carving their way down your [face] rather than skin, if you want to express the thought of skin on your face, say: Tears carve their way down my sunburnt cheek or something of that nature. Just saying skin, leaves on open to thinking of where, what skin, the skin on your hand?

There are many ways that you can develop the skill of finding the right words. The first one, is to read, read, read! Read the authors that share your ideas, the ones that spark your interest, look at how they present the lines, the words that they use. Next is to invest yourself of a good dictionary, it doesn't have to be the latest, one a couple of years old is great, especially the college ones. When you use an unfamiliar word, look it up; use it in as many different ways as you can. Write exercises in a notebook or tablet. Practice using words. 
The better your vocabulary, the better you can be at taking your reader on the journey to your world. Like I said, I get where you are going with this, I understand being obsessed with a particular person. It can ruin you, best to let go before the crash. Good luck, ~ Geezer.
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Hello, Rishika,

Welcome!

I felt the torment here, especially those tears that painfully "...carved their way down my skin." 

I feel the passion and understand why this may be a favorite mistake  - the irony is strong.

I've been told that a poem is finished, not when you can no longer add words to its meaning, but when there is nothing left to take away. You may want to read aloud slowly and concentrate on removing anything that feels redundant or unnecessary, making the most meaningful language even more dramatic and passionate. 

The ending gives way to the exhaustion felt through it all. Very moving.

Thank you!

Lavender