Anticipatory Anxiety: A brother's dreadful suspense...

concerning an upcoming biopsy
scheduled for his eldest sister
on January fourteenth
two thousand twenty six,
(she opted to undergo total mastectomy
of one breast in 2002
despite the diagnosis of stage 0
linkedin to infernal unpleasant fate)
after mammogram revealed
suspicious discolored tissue,
and despite the machinery
for early detection
grim inheritance unavoidable.

Existential nihilism pervades (analogous to a cancer, albeit benign) from sunup to sundown, eight days a week, three hundred and sixty five (and six if a leap year takes place) days a year wracking ear-splitting and deafening sounds of silence within corporeal essence of mein kampf methinks if born this way today (as a poker face) intervention services plus if home schooled (an snacked on powder milk biscuits during lunch - cuz heavens they're tasty) versus subjected to the constant wrath of bullies, who targeted a vulnerable uber scapegoat, would be more blissful mindset.

As the biological male byproduct
of Ashkenazi or
Eastern European background
I too (like females) can be a carrier
of BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene mutations
and can pass these mutations
to children of mine
(no sons sense, or deux daughters),
significantly increasing my own risk
for cancers like prostate, pancreatic,
and male breast cancer,
as well as passing
the elevated risk to their families.

Hence, breast cancer runs rampant along the maternal family trunk line, whereat my mother who underwent a lumpectomy/partial mastectomy) many years prior to passing away, she unfortunately succumbed to ovarian/uterine cancer twenty years ago this past May fifth shared company of that grim fate as attested by her elder siblings (two sisters and a brother) who met their demise courtesy a similar prophetic fate, both aunts discovered lumps on their mammary glands, and underwent radical mastectomy (years before advanced technological equipment existed, and not surprisingly passed away linkedin to that malady), whereat my Uncle Paul (mother's brother) diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer, and subsequently that's how he met his demise.

No matter I came within a whisker
(or hair breadth)
videlicet regarding death do me part
approximately after baker's
dirty dozen deeds done cheap
years after birth
and deliberately went hungry,
and nearly starved myself to death
yours truly at about thirteen years of age
I did not want to be among the living
particularly as a wallflower
astride mother earth.

An inferiority complex in-sync with body dysmorphia, which latter state of being stayed with me all my life and still predominates occupying the psyche along with once upon a time debilitating weakness of body, mind and soul, and finding me debating the indelible demerits affecting growth of mental, physical and social facets of yours truly indisputable, and detonating devastating psychological and social repercussions for most of these seven and sixty orbitz around the sun, no surprise I fall prey to suicidal ideations despite (or maybe because of) ingesting nine prescription medications.
When health doth abound
and a clean bill of health declared,
this doubting thomas
reassesses and reevaluates
petty issues that confound
the writer of these words,
hence I strive to expound
on the importance
of being frank and earnest
and rather than quibble,
I concede to relinquish figurative ground
and remind myself to adhere
to a personal contract,
(not just another resolution
for the New Year),
but an ironbound
contract valuing life, liberty,
and the pursuit of happiness
or a similar theme
plus preoccupation with meaningless
fixations, obsessions, that scream
futility and only
subtract an add dulled mind
to divisiveness and multiply
precious time frittered away,
analogous to change horses midstream
and leave issues unresolved,
such as squabbling over
when each of us more or less demands
we want to use the computer now
an perfect example how
a ridiculous notion can become extreme
(though early mornings allocated to me,
and later in the day allotted to the spouse),
hence I suggested to the wife
we ought to install surveillance cameras
that doth captcha how much time
each of us spends
using this Macbook Pro laptop
rather than state
"I got a bone to pick"
and fish for something to carp about
about irrelevant issues
and diminish following
the dictum carpe diem.

Impossible mission to seize the moment when figurative dark shadows invisibly hoover across the psyche evoking a mindset equivalent to living along the outer limits of the twilight zone, no matter broad daylight affecting, afflicting, and affording no escape from the raucous mailer daemons like swashbuckling banshees issuing death by a thousand cuts where looms the fear of grim reaper camouflaged by the edge of night getting ready to emerge from hiding dead set on the warpath to destroy body electric lining up decoys able, eager, ready and willing to steal (cue metastasizing carcinoma) getting abreast of aggressive attempts of oncologist (s)to nip in the bud dashing even a remote chance to stave off unwarranted death sentence.

Even in my wildest dreams
wherein lovely sibling
in lifeless repose upon a bier,
I cannot imagine dragons
slaying the beastial marauders
their murderous spree
snatching a family member
writhing with despair
outwitted despite concerted effort
of medical professionals
concerning how my sibling
thirteen months plus my senior
weathered the onslaught of fear
unwilling to be taken to the grave
whereat a locket of her lovely hair
the only remembrance of things past
being teased and tormented
from life size meanies
analogous to human like tumors,
who throve when they did mock and jeer
suffering a tragic death akin to King Lear
leaving love of her life near
her bedside, he - a skeptic
immersed in prayer.