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Jan 04, 2026
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I may yet still become a fan of eating gnocchi
(Which in Italian cooking) small dumplings
made from potato, semolina, or flour,
usually served with a sauce
which chewy consistency
glommed in a huge bunch
after the wife microwaved them
yesterday with noodles,
and generally speaking and/or writing,
whenever introduced to novel food(s),
for the first time,
the hung jury and
imaginary verdict out to lunch
my nose and
facial muscles yours truly
he did not scrunch.
Upon being served
while sitting atop my throne
also known as
the Lazy-boy easy chair
sometimes finding me asleep
reclined in a supine position
(since the spouse
stays up until early morning
binging on above named station
i.e. Tubi, where producers
include internal teams
and external creators,
with prominent names
like Dennis Reed II,
Christopher Stokes,
and Marques Houston
known for popular original films,
while the platform also supports
emerging talent through initiatives
like Stubios, offering resources
and mentorship from Issa Rae
and ColorCreative
for aspiring filmmakers
to create diverse content
for the ad-supported streaming service).
After jogging my mind what to write
actually both of us (yours truly
and the missus agree to unite
and watch a program,
but most times, I opt for Netflix
paid for thru Verizon Fios
since we do not pay
for television service
way to many commercial
thus viewing enlightening
material a pleasant sight
for these sore eyes of mine - quite
afflicted with burning/
stinging sensation of lately outright
problematic, when trying to read
(even a book with large print),
but usually yours truly
able, eager, ready
and willing to hit the sack
just when the bewitching hour
tolls twelve o'clock midnight
ever since my sexcapades a tarnished knight
in shining armor owning
onus of negligence and greater insight,
which dalliances nearly
wrecked our marriage
whereby concerning Ms. GeeGee
the second mistress
and a woman of color,
I did consort with
and holding her body
close to mine and wishing her goodnight
unaware what awaited me
at 724 Railroad Avenue,
whereby the spouse ready
to explode like dynamite
and (despite being
dependent on me monetarily)
would call up the spirit
of Sylvia Zison to expedite
divorce, though neither of us
financially solvent enough
whereas I strongly considered
from sexual and marital transgression
to join the order of the Carmelite,
which Catholic religious community
traces roots to Old Testament prophets,
focused on a life of prayer, service,
and union with God,
under the patronage of Mary,
and includes friars (active ministry),
cloistered nuns (contemplative prayer),
and lay members (Secular Carmelites),
all committed to vows
of poverty, chastity, and obedience,
symbolized by wearing the brown scapular
linkedin to spirituality that emphasizes
following Jesus, imitating Mary,
and seeking God's presence
through deep prayer
and a communal life
regularly serving gnocchi
without the gummy pasty taste
to satiate the appetite
and packed my bags
the nasty, short and brutish
tongue that ever did wag against me
his most gracious lase-majesté
seeking redemption
courtesy the holy savior,
no matter for the better part
of my seven and sixty years,
I happened to be a “skeptic
in the eyes of an angry god."
About This Poem
Last Few Words: no more will i indiscriminately enter poetry hoping anonymous readers still take notice of my rather lengthy literary endeavors.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem ambitiously weaves together culinary imagery, personal confession, and religious reflection, creating a complex tapestry of themes. The opening lines use gnocchi as a metaphorical anchor, but the description of the food’s texture and preparation—“glommed in a huge bunch after the wife microwaved them yesterday with noodles”—feels somewhat prosaic and could benefit from more vivid, sensory language to evoke the experience more powerfully.
The poem’s structure is free-flowing and conversational, which suits the confessional tone but sometimes leads to a lack of clarity or coherence. For example, the parenthetical aside about streaming services and filmmakers, while interesting, interrupts the emotional narrative and dilutes the poem’s momentum. Consider tightening these sections or integrating them more seamlessly to maintain thematic focus.
The shift from domestic scenes to marital strife and spiritual contemplation is compelling but abrupt. The poem might gain impact by more clearly signaling transitions between these emotional registers, perhaps through stanza breaks or shifts in tone and rhythm. The detailed recounting of personal failings and the desire for redemption is raw and honest, but some lines—such as “ever since my sexcapades a tarnished knight in shining armor owning onus of negligence”—could be rephrased for clarity and smoother rhythm.
The religious imagery and references to the Carmelite order add depth but feel somewhat encyclopedic. Instead of listing attributes and history, consider distilling the spiritual themes into more evocative, poetic language that resonates emotionally with the personal narrative.
Overall, the poem’s strength lies in its candid exploration of imperfection and yearning for grace, but it would benefit from greater structural coherence, more precise language, and a clearer balance between concrete detail and abstract reflection.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months 2 weeks ago
Though read...
I am sure that you are most likely read without comment; for yon lengthy poems must wear out the old eyes amongst us and not able to put pen to paper to leave tracks. Be not dismayed, for it has recently been brought to mine attention, that there are many readers out there, who are not members of the community and cannot inscribe such annotations because of the limitations passed on non-members. So, think of all the readers you must be reaching, the readers who will carry your work with them the rest of the day or perhaps they will enjoy them as an after-dinner aperitif, [if you can swallow that]. Take heart, that your words are not wasted, but perhaps are discussed over a dry martini.