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A secularist (videlicet) Unitarian...

the closest my upbringing
approaches to an organized religion)
remembers dribs and drabs hearing Yiddish
courtesy my Mamale / Mamaleh,
a smattering spoken
to Yiddish, פאָטע
(Foter/Futer) father of mine
in his boyhood home,
(long since demolished),
whose late mother of mine
also prepared Jewish entrées
such as Kasha Varnishkes
(such as the Yiddish name for the dish
combining kasha (buckwheat groats)
and noodles) kugel,
and Kneidlach, matzah ball
then formerly located at 324 Level Road,
now stashed away in memory banks,
where McMansions populate
the half dozen plus acres
along a cul de sac called Stella's Way.

Even though Judaism,
(perhaps even orthodox sects -
Sephardim come to mind -
registered as a significant element
on the periodic table, albeit kosher),
nevertheless a healthy dose of skepticism
permeates every cell
that constitutes my body electric
and after querying Google, I sat
stunned and open mouthed i.e.
slack jawed to discover
the following tidbit
whereat, the average
adult male estimated
to have approximately 36 trillion cells,
which estimate based
on a representative adult male
weighing about 70 kilograms
(approximately 154 lbs)
and does not specify
a precise number
for a 67-year-old or
for a particular race,
as the variation due to age
in this range and race
likely less significant
than that due to overall body size.

Legacy of mine ancestry
ever so imperceptibly ruptured,
(albeit not deliberately),
and perhaps linkedin
to progressive ideologies
at the time that challenged
rock-ribbed doctrine,
whereby each successive generation
experienced existential nihilism
as once charismatic, dogmatic,
and enigmatic all knowing
Jewish scholars or teachers,
especially one who studied
or taught Jewish law,
could not convince a doubting thomas,
or two, or three, or four...
unwittingly irrefutable faith
got chipped away
by then what got hashtagged
as revolutionary heresy,
and thought provoking
political philosophies
got branded as poppycock
rode roughshod
over long held
and revered doctrinal principles.

Though sacrilegious to declare
Judeo/Christian biblical tracts as fiction
interspersed with kernels of fact,
those very nuggets
of true personalities
and factual events
prick the amateur historian within me
and sustain an abiding and everlasting
driving passion to become familiarized
with the impact of such
real flesh and blood individuals
credited with authoring treatises
upon humanity
and unleashing flashpoints
of significant events
within the annals of civilization.

Best to indoctrinate
an impressionable
young and restless mind
(during early years),
when beliefs more readily accepted
as gospel truth,
and get soaked up
like a metaphorical
(bobbing) sponge
squarely affixed
to pants of a conservative paradigm
versus the less likely adoption
of established purportedly sacred tenets
questioned with more assiduity
within the mindset
of an older person
less likely to swallow
hook, line and sinker
the tomes of storied
man/woman kind.

When steeped in lives
of the saints and sinners
when just an itty bitty
boy or girl
the threat being ostracized
from family and community
influences one to maintain
an abiding unquestioned faith
even at the expense
of suppressing tamping down
or being sternly rebuked
exhibiting recalcitrance
if inadequately answered questions
abound within the inquisitive
ever curious lad or lass,
who will be told
(to shut up or ship out)
if continuing to pepper
the well salted church fathers
and/or mothers,
who also learned
to keep their trap zipped,
and perhaps opt
to remain linkedin
to brother and sisterhood
of authoritarian order
til death do them part.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: noah intent to ruffle figurative feathers, but freedom of religion and devout believers ofttimes take objection to a point of view diametrically opposed (and maybe feel threatened) by atheism.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: PA, USA

Favorite Poets: Robert Burns, Charles Dickens, Robert Frost, Matthew Scott Harris, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Sylvia Plath, Gary Snyder, Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem undertakes a complex and layered exploration of religious identity, skepticism, and the tension between inherited tradition and personal inquiry. The voice is reflective and analytical, weaving personal history with broader cultural and philosophical considerations. Several aspects merit attention for refinement:

1. **Structure and Punctuation**: The poem’s free-form style and use of parentheses, slashes, and unconventional punctuation create a conversational and fragmented rhythm that mirrors the speaker’s tentative grappling with faith and identity. However, this can also impede readability. Consider whether certain punctuation choices—such as frequent parentheses or slashes—might be streamlined or replaced with line breaks or more conventional punctuation to enhance clarity without sacrificing the poem’s exploratory tone.

2. **Line Breaks and Enjambment**: Some lines feel densely packed with information, which can overwhelm the reader. Strategic line breaks might help emphasize key phrases and create pauses that allow the reader to absorb complex ideas. For example, breaking long parenthetical asides into separate lines could improve flow.

3. **Tone and Voice Consistency**: The poem shifts between colloquial expressions (“itty bitty,” “bobbing sponge”) and academic or technical language (cell counts, historical references). This juxtaposition can be effective in conveying the speaker’s multifaceted perspective but risks tonal unevenness. Reflect on whether these shifts serve the poem’s overall impact or if a more consistent register might strengthen the voice.

4. **Imagery and Metaphor**: The metaphor of the “body electric” and the “metaphorical (bobbing) sponge” are evocative and suggest a dynamic interplay between inherited traits and absorbed beliefs. Expanding on such imagery with more sensory or concrete details could deepen the emotional resonance and provide a stronger anchor amid abstract reflections.

5. **Cultural and Historical References**: The poem references specific Jewish cultural elements (Yiddish terms, traditional dishes) alongside broader religious and philosophical concepts. These enrich the poem’s texture but may benefit from subtle contextualization to ensure accessibility for readers unfamiliar with these references. For example, integrating these details more seamlessly into the narrative could help maintain engagement without feeling like a list.

6. **Thematic Development**: The poem effectively captures the tension between inherited faith and personal skepticism, as well as the social pressures to conform. To enhance thematic clarity, consider focusing on a few central motifs or moments—such as the memory of family meals, the experience of questioning as a child, or the discovery of scientific facts about the body—that can serve as recurring touchstones throughout the poem.

7. **Ending and Resolution**: The closing lines evoke the social consequences of doubt within religious communities, ending on a note of constraint and silence. This is a powerful conclusion, but it might be strengthened by a more pointed or evocative final image or statement that encapsulates the speaker’s complex relationship with faith and doubt.

Overall, the poem’s ambition and intellectual depth are clear. With attention to clarity, pacing, and tonal coherence, it can more effectively communicate the nuanced emotional landscape of questioning inherited belief systems.

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