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Jan 08, 2026
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Auld add ages airing a lifetime of disappointment...
serves as jejune
spreadsheet of dismay,
and including every last
desperate mayday call
from the French "m'aidez" ("help me")
since yours truly
made his debut appearance
January 13th,1959,
where father time
didst take marching orders
to max sum eyes gridlock,
and access excellent outlook
of existential nihilism.
A confluence of variable factors
(commencing since birth)
finds me feeling
figuratively and literally short-changed
amidst the good
and plenty opportunities
resulting with utter despair
arising from lack
of participation and dearth
since living hand to mouth
on this dog forsaken Earth
pregnant with population explosion
borne across oblate spheroid
particularly with an expansive girth,
where third world countries poor people
forced to huddle around
the communal hearth
to stay warm
and help ward off
kidnappers feint promises
(to butter up intended hostage)
and captcha unsuspecting victims
miles to go before they sleep
where passage into heart of darkness
finds men, women and children
shackled into perpetual
edge of night,
where dark shadows
(think of Plato's Republic
and the allegory of the caves)
hint of human bondage
with intent to sell and traffic
abductees (mainly women)
into uber slavery,
where outer limits of exploitation
a veritable twilight zone
witnesses nightmare approach
worthwhile thriving underworld
hellish ghoulish enterprise
tortures governable, jail-able,
malleable, pliable... humans.
The above lines
linkedin to the state of being,
whereat I feel emotionally wretched
and my station in life
yours truly doth abhor
where phantoms of the opera
assail my reluctance -
burnt offerings
to a self declared trumpeting czar
regarding soulessness,
whose weakened
atrophied limbs powerlessly succumb
bespeak bittersweet bowers
with striking resemblance
to buxom broads
coax me to surrender
while part way
thru writing a poem,
where potted flesh of mine
firmly planted - frankly zapped
at family heirloom escritoire
abandoning life of Riley
into fool's paradise
and destination unknown
lost in the outer limits
of the space/time continuum
hounded by doggone mailer daemons
uprooted from limbs of mine
aslant courtesy heliotropism
affecting these lovely bones
hell bent as like a foreigner
within a webbed wide world
of cunning and deceit
to sustain impossible mission
and remain a survivor.
Bleak existence
analogous to doomsday,
where grim reaper chants hooray
for the ghost of...,
but yes you bet your life
Captain Spaulding reincarnate given leeway
cause he ranks as spirited Marx brother
an avid fan of mine,
when just an innocent youth
unbeknownst to me
no day at the races
denied entry into nirvana portal
despite paying thru the (button) nose
a veritable hoax
being granted king's ransom pathway
only aggravates oppressive anguish
cancelling Creative Health appointment
with peer support specialist Rachel Murphy
despite prior commitment today - Thursday
January 8th, 2026 at thirteen hundred hours.
Analogous to an apocalypse
or gang of Bloods and Crips
prognosticated courtesy solar eclipse
head like device being crushed
courtesy vice grips
or as if being experimented upon
without anesthesia think videlicet
extra-terrestrial internships
separated by countless
light-years from kinships
with fellow Homo sapiens,
where declared other worldly species
constituting alien nation
non invasively insert microchips
a tiny wafer of semiconducting material
used to make an integrated circuit),
whose potential power outstrips
the most superior artificial intelligence
where divine topnotch creators quips
bragging rights unbeknownst to them
dwarfed - courtesy outlandish spaceships
housing creatures great and small
immediately revealed and reviled
strongly resembling earthlings
after iPods zany brainy
donning clown costumes unzips
their custom made
skin tight wearable good
made courtesy Inter Galactic
Enterprise To Integrate Technology
or I_GET_IT for short.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: IT - phone home at once!
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a dense and sprawling meditation on existential despair, social injustice, and a deeply felt alienation from both personal circumstance and broader human conditions. The ambitious scope is notable, as it attempts to weave together personal history, global suffering, philosophical allusion, and speculative science fiction into a single narrative fabric.
Strengths: - The poem’s vivid imagery and references—such as Plato’s allegory of the cave, “phantoms of the opera,” and intergalactic microchips—create a surreal and layered atmosphere that challenges the reader to engage on multiple intellectual and emotional levels. - The use of extended metaphor and allusion enriches the thematic complexity, allowing the poem to explore the tension between individual despair and systemic oppression. - The voice is distinctive, blending archaic diction (“didst,” “yours truly doth abhor”) with modern slang and technological jargon, which adds a unique texture and reflects the poem’s thematic collision of past, present, and speculative futures.
Areas for development: 1. **Clarity and Focus:** The poem’s density and rapid shifts in imagery and topic can overwhelm the reader, making it difficult to follow the emotional throughline. Consider focusing on fewer central images or themes per section to enhance coherence and emotional impact. 2. **Lineation and Pacing:** The poem’s prose-like blocks and irregular line breaks sometimes obscure rhythm and emphasis. Experimenting with more deliberate line breaks and stanza divisions could help control pacing and highlight key ideas or emotional beats. 3. **Syntax and Grammar:** Some lines are syntactically convoluted or grammatically inconsistent, which can impede comprehension. For example, phrases like “linkedin to the state of being” or “courtesy heliotropism affecting these lovely bones” might benefit from revision for clarity or rephrasing to maintain the poem’s tone without sacrificing readability. 4. **Tone Consistency:** The poem oscillates between formal, archaic language and colloquial or technical terms, which can be jarring. While this juxtaposition is interesting, consider how to balance these registers so the shifts feel intentional and contribute to the poem’s emotional texture rather than distract. 5. **Emotional Resonance:** The poem’s intellectual and thematic ambitions are clear, but the emotional core can feel diffuse. Sharpening the personal voice and grounding abstract ideas in concrete, sensory details might deepen the reader’s emotional engagement.
Overall, the poem is a challenging and thought-provoking piece that would benefit from editorial tightening to clarify its narrative and emotional trajectory while preserving its rich intertextuality and imaginative scope.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months 2 weeks ago
I found...
that I followed this one pretty easily. I get that some people might not take the time to go back and look at why they stumbled in a certain line; but I do. I often find that when I do, I most generally get a better sense of what the poet meant when he or she wrote a particular line. I am of the opinion that you don't care much what I think of your punctuational skills, so I will leave it at, I am always impressed by your ability to take a mundane, average day and make it sound like a biopic. ~ Geez.
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