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I want so badly to live

I want so badly to live
Here on earth today
But it's forty-eight and climbing
On the hottest day
Heat rising
Heat rising
I think about a swim in Ontario’s waves
Just to cool my thoughts and maybe my face
But swimming never called me like walking alone
Boardwalk’s in silence, I make it my own
And every day I wish for rain
Hope in the clouds but hope's in vain]
I want so badly to live
Here on earth today
But it's forty-eight and climbing
On the hottest day
Heat rising
Heat rising

About This Poem

Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Ontario

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, Patrick Friesen, Michael ondatje

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem’s repetition of the phrase “I want so badly to live” and the motif “heat rising” effectively conveys a sense of desperation and urgency in the face of environmental crisis. The use of temperature (“forty-eight and climbing”) grounds the poem in a specific, alarming reality, suggesting a world experiencing extreme heat—likely a reference to climate change. The longing for relief (“I think about a swim in Ontario’s waves”) juxtaposed with the speaker’s preference for solitary walking creates a tension between seeking comfort and confronting discomfort directly.

The structure relies on repetition and short lines, which mirror the oppressive persistence of the heat and the speaker’s anxiety. The poem’s imagery is concrete (“Ontario’s waves,” “boardwalk’s in silence”), but the emotional stakes are generalized, with the desire to live set against environmental threat. The line “Hope in the clouds but hope’s in vain” introduces a note of resignation, reinforcing the poem’s bleak atmosphere.

One area for further development is specificity: while the poem gestures toward personal experience, the emotional landscape could be deepened by more particular details about the speaker’s relationship to place, memory, or the consequences of the heat. Additionally, the poem’s repetition is effective, but varying the language or imagery in the repeated sections could add nuance and prevent predictability.

Overall, the poem’s directness and clarity serve its urgent theme, but it could benefit from greater specificity and variation in its repeated elements to more fully realize its emotional and narrative potential.

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Geezer

Geezer

3 months 2 weeks ago

I like...

 the plain language and the direct connection with the reader.
It is obvious that if it is 118 degrees F and going higher, that it is 
a dangerous situation, and you very well might die. I'm looking at this write as one that might be true for a short time, or maybe as result of global-warming, permanently. I'm not sure, but it sounds as though you don't swim and maybe even afraid of the water, but it is so hot that you might risk it. It also makes it clear there aren't many other people around which makes one think that it is a real danger. Good write. ~ Geez.
.
 

Lavender

Lavender

3 months 2 weeks ago

I Want so Badly to Live

Hello, Aldo,

You've described the conditions and the suffering very well.  I, too, get a sense of global warming, a serious extreme. 

Thank you,

L