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01/26 New Member Contest

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Unhand Thee

Don’t hold me
But I want you close
Don’t look at me
Just gaze at my approach
Don’t wait for me
Look for me
Unhand me
Grab me
You see it’s hard for me to trust
It’s not you it’s me
Please don’t give up on me
Give in to me
I want to breathe
But it’s uncomfortable for me
Bare with me not against me
Love me
But don’t fall to deep
I know it’s hard to understand what I ask thee
It’s only hard because you fail to innerstand me

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Comes from deep with thoughts of indecisive imperfect decisions

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

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Comments

neopoet

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem explores the complexities and contradictions of intimacy and vulnerability, employing a series of imperatives that oscillate between desire for closeness and the need for distance. The repetition of opposing commands (“Don’t hold me / But I want you close,” “Unhand me / Grab me”) effectively conveys the speaker’s ambivalence and internal conflict. This structure mirrors the emotional push and pull experienced in relationships marked by trust issues.

The use of archaic language (“thee”) in the title and closing lines contrasts with the otherwise contemporary diction, which may be intended to elevate the tone or universalize the experience. However, this shift is not fully integrated and risks feeling inconsistent unless further developed or justified within the poem.

The phrase “bare with me not against me” appears to be a malapropism; “bear with me” is the conventional phrase, unless the use of “bare” is intentional to evoke vulnerability. If intentional, clarification or additional context could strengthen the impact. The closing lines introduce the term “innerstand,” a neologism that may be intended to suggest a deeper, internalized form of understanding. While inventive, its meaning may not be immediately clear to all readers and could benefit from contextual support earlier in the poem.

The poem’s strength lies in its honest portrayal of ambivalence and its rhythmic, almost breathless pacing, which reflects the speaker’s emotional state. To further develop the poem, consider refining the language for consistency, clarifying intentional word choices, and expanding on the emotional stakes to deepen the reader’s engagement with the speaker’s dilemma.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

John Leslie O'Kelley

John Leslie O'Kelley

3 months 1 week ago

Unhand Thee

There seems to be a contradiction here, but I enjoyed the poem you wrote. We all need acceptance and gratification from the one from the ones that we love! My favorite line was "it's only hard because you fail to innerstand me. Great writing and keep writing! John Leslie O'Kelley

Lavender

Lavender

3 months 1 week ago

Unhand Thee

Hello, Royal Asia,

Wonderful "Last Few Words," indesisive, imperfect.  Described the theme of the poem really well.

So, so curious about your title:  is the narrator directing the title to themselves?  Then within the poem, the line is "unhand me."  I find that intriguing!

Thank you!

L

 

Royal Asia

Royal Asia

3 months 1 week ago

Thank you for noticing and…

Thank you for noticing and yes you are correct "thee" is me the writer. I didn't want to have a dead give away title I wanted my readers to figure out who I am referring to. There is also a plot twist for those who can relate I am describing them and also me.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 months 1 week ago

Hello Poet...

I find this piece of work to be interesting and intriguing! I enjoy your writings and look forward to reading more from your pen! Thank you.

Always, Cat