01/26 Inner Storm

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Storms A Risin'

The century's storm doesn't break in the sky-
It gathers behind the ribs,
a pressure front of old grief
and new becoming.

It starts as a tremor
a single thought striking flint
against the dark.
The winds rise-
Memories unmoored,
hope colliding with the hard edges
of what is.

Lightening strikes through the mind,
illuminating every unspoken truth
for a heartbeat too bright to bear.
Thunder rolls through the chest,
a deep ancestral drum
calling everything hidden
to the surface.

But even the fiercest squall
has a eye.
A stillness.
A moment where you stand
in the center of your own undoing
and feel, somehow,
the possibility of becoming whole
once more.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: ID, USA

Favorite Poets: Rod McKuen, T.S. Elliot, Ezra Pound, Walt Whitman

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Comments

neopoet

3 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

This poem employs the metaphor of a storm to explore internal emotional upheaval and transformation. The central conceit—weather phenomena as a representation of psychological states—is clearly established and sustained throughout. The poem’s structure, using short stanzas and line breaks, mirrors the ebb and flow of a storm, allowing for pauses that reflect moments of tension and release.

The language is generally precise, with phrases like “a pressure front of old grief / and new becoming” and “a single thought striking flint / against the dark” offering concrete imagery for abstract feelings. The use of meteorological terms (“pressure front,” “winds rise,” “lightning,” “thunder,” “squall,” “eye”) is consistent and supports the extended metaphor.

There is some effective use of sound and rhythm, particularly in lines such as “Thunder rolls through the chest, / a deep ancestral drum,” which evoke both the physicality and the emotional resonance of the storm. The poem’s movement from turbulence to stillness is clear, culminating in the stanza that centers on the “eye” of the storm, which is used as a metaphor for a moment of clarity or self-acceptance.

Some areas for further development include the use of familiar images and phrases. The metaphor of storms for emotional turmoil is well-trodden, so the poem’s impact depends on the freshness of its language and the specificity of its details. Phrases like “hope colliding with the hard edges / of what is” and “the possibility of becoming whole / once more” risk abstraction and could be made more vivid through concrete imagery or more original phrasing.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from greater specificity in its emotional stakes. While the language is evocative, the nature of the “old grief” and the “new becoming” remains somewhat vague. Introducing more particular details or sensory images could help ground the reader more fully in the speaker’s experience.

Overall, the poem demonstrates control of metaphor and structure, but would be strengthened by more original language and greater specificity in its emotional content.

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Geezer

3 months 1 week ago

I think...

the same mood must have overcome us! I think that you succeeded in taking me on a journey, through a battle fought in the mind, and I tried to do the same thing through my description of the musical trip.

I like the ending; we all need hope. ~ Geez.