Fire and Salvation

I love you so much more than words could ever say
I know it sounds cliché but it’s the simple truth
I could pen a million poems ‘til my dying day
I’ve been trying to convey it since my days of youth

I’ve been striving to write and arrange the perfect verse
The one that captures the sensation through and through
But the compositions seem to fall short and terse
In search for the words to describe this point of view

My emotions run deeper than all the oceans
But you know how I can be with hyperboles
Like a manic state with an endless devotion
Bubbling in my core at over a thousand degrees

And when it’s just too much it finally erupts
The words flow with slow and torrid conjugation
Down a long and tortuous path that can disrupt
This baptism of pure fire and salvation

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: California, US, USA

Favorite Poets: Maya Angelou, William Carlos Williams, Pablo Neruda, Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe, Walt Whitman, Charles Bukowski, Alfredo Espino, Roque Dalton and several more.

Comments

Geezer

3 months ago

While I applaud...

the core of the piece, the very idea of it; I will say that there are stumbles in some lines. Some of them can be fixed with a bit of punctuation, while some of them need a little rearranging. I enjoyed the emotional outpouring, the thought that one cannot ever write a poem that accurately describes just how much the person of affection means to us. ~ Geez.

Wallyroo92

2 months 2 weeks ago

Fire and Salvation

Thank you Geez.

I have to say that I was rushing through this one when I wrote it. Sometimes I find myself in the moment only to lose it, chase it and trying to capture the original that came to mind.

Geezer

2 months 2 weeks ago

I hear that...

I think that this is one trait that most poets [and other cerebral artists I know] share. I've always said; "Brains that are going a million miles an hour; often miss a turn and have to backtrack". Sometimes it works better, because you were already criticizing the first time. ~ Geez.

Lavender

3 months ago

Fire and Salvation

Hello, Wallyroo,

Love - so very hard to describe! Very clever - kind of an apologetic poem filled with cliches, hyperbole, and uncontrolled emotion - realizing the lack of finding any other way to express true feelings.

I like this!

Wallyroo92

2 months 2 weeks ago

Fire and Salvation

Thank you Lavender,

Many times I love to add wordplay and spit rhyme all over the place, but this time (rhyme not intended), I've been working more on meter and flow. Once I get back into my groove, I feel like I break a little more rules take my works on a good spin.