Death arrived at my front door

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem presents a direct encounter with mortality, using plainspoken language and a confessional tone. The narrative voice is clear and unadorned, which creates a sense of vulnerability and immediacy. The structure is loosely organized, with short lines and minimal punctuation, contributing to a feeling of breathlessness that echoes the speaker's health struggles.

There are several areas where the poem could be strengthened. The repetition of phrases like "bad healthy" and "bad lungs" is straightforward but lacks specificity or imagery that might evoke the speaker's experience more vividly. The mention of an "Oxigen tank" introduces a concrete detail, but the emotional impact could be deepened by exploring sensory or physical aspects of living with this device.

The poem's progression from personal suffering to the community's response—flowers, cards, teddy bears—introduces an external perspective, but these gestures are described in a list-like fashion. Expanding on how these tributes affect the speaker, or contrasting them with the speaker's internal state, could add complexity.

The final line, "I been loved by / My readers," introduces a meta-poetic element, suggesting the speaker is a writer. This could be developed further to explore the relationship between mortality, legacy, and audience.

Attention to grammar and word choice would also improve clarity and impact. For example, "I had pray" could be revised for tense and agreement, and "bad healthy" could be replaced with a more precise description.

Overall, the poem's directness is effective in conveying the speaker's resignation and isolation, but the emotional and sensory landscape could be expanded for greater resonance. Consider incorporating more specific imagery, refining language, and exploring the contrasts between the speaker's internal and external worlds.

Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact

truth? I also have COPD, and you are right, it is not fun. I agree with the A.I. if you had included some more descriptive terms, you could make this a better piece. Death is usually described as a personage, I would use "Him, It, or similar, rather than [that]. Say:

I've prayed, many months now.

My health is bad

My lungs rattle -    Be descriptive!

Using an oxygen tank

I am loved by my readers.

Look up the way that the lines are strung together in other pieces of work here. 
~ Geezer