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Jan 27, 2026
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Never say die!
Sleepless I entered
a forum,
which acknowledged
my own attitude!
There were people,
on the verge of rebuke,
but I never could see
their point of view.
The river is
continually rising,
and there's
not a damned thing I can do!
If there's something,
to be done about living.
Please tell me,
which course to pursue!
We all ended up,
just like cattle
There was never a
choice to review,
Lying in beds,
two by two,
The trick was,
just not to be through!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I haven't been the best with words lately, and my vocab's a little askew, I wish I had someone too pour soul on, so that anyone really knew how I felt. In my world I have no one to vent to. So I'm telling you now how I feel. If the world revolves around heaven, then there's something more I must do. When I remember things from my past, sometimes a dim light shines through, I feel I've been torn by misfortune, which may never mend or return to a positive view, however I'll just keep my eyes open to an option or idea from any of you.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem explores themes of existential frustration and resignation, using the metaphor of a rising river to evoke a sense of overwhelming circumstance. The opening lines establish a restless, searching speaker who seeks community or understanding in a forum, yet finds only partial resonance and potential conflict. The poem’s conversational tone and direct address create immediacy, while the enjambment and irregular line breaks contribute to a sense of unease and fragmentation.
The river metaphor is effective in conveying a feeling of inevitability and helplessness, but its connection to the forum and the speaker’s internal state could be developed further for clarity. The poem shifts from the personal (“my own attitude”) to the collective (“We all ended up, just like cattle”), suggesting a broader commentary on conformity or lack of agency. The image of people “lying in beds, two by two” is evocative, hinting at passivity or resignation, but the transition between metaphors (river, cattle, beds) is abrupt and could benefit from more connective tissue or development.
The poem’s rhetorical questions invite engagement but remain unanswered, reinforcing the theme of uncertainty. The closing lines, “The trick was, / just not to be through!” suggest endurance as a form of resistance, but the poem stops short of offering resolution or transformation.
Consider refining the transitions between metaphors and clarifying the relationship between the speaker’s experience and the collective imagery. Further specificity in language and imagery could deepen the emotional impact and sharpen the poem’s thematic focus. The poem’s structure and tone effectively convey a sense of frustration and resignation, but additional cohesion and development could enhance its resonance.
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Lavender
2 months 3 weeks ago
Never Say Die
Hello, John,
Your final words sound concerned about vocabulary and language. Sometimes the most genuine and sincere language is the best - especially in such a personal and tender poem.
I clearly grasp your message and have no suggestions other than to let this sit for a time and come back to it. You may find it says exactly what you want to convey, or you realize a word or two may need to be changed.
I like the tight rhyme / near rhyme throughout.
Thank you!
L