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I believe in things unseen
I believe in things unseen
Paky people walking past me
Brothers thought we haven’t met
My Father made them too
Threaded history in every stare
So different, so the same
Same prayers sent slow
Same hands hold hope
Their faith reflected in mine
A thousand faces, a single line
We’re woven together, you and me
Found family, quietly
Oh, I carry love for all I see
We break bread, believe, we believe
Oh, we believe
We believe, we believe
We believe, you and me
They wear their turbans proud and true
Wound with meaning, wound with truth
Never cut a single strand
Long hair falling, open hands
Let it grow, let it roam
Living stories in a comb
Devotion woven tight
Hold freedom in each night
I’ve felt that faith before
Familiar footsteps toward the door
Shared grace, same sky
Separate names, but we try
We’re woven together, you and me
Found family, quietly
Oh, I carry love for all I see
We break bread, believe, we believe
Oh, we believe
We believe, we believe
We believe, you and me
Halal feasts, full plates
Respect in rituals
Stories saved, traditions safe
Circles open for us all
Warm greetings, open doorways
Blessings spoken every morning
Brothers, not by birth
But chosen in this world
We’re woven together, you and me
Found family, quietly
Oh, I carry love for all I see
We break bread, believe, we believe
Oh, we believe
We believe, we believe
We believe, you and me
We believe
You and me
We believe
We believe
About This Poem
Last Few Words: that is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores themes of faith, kinship, and shared humanity, employing repetition and refrain to reinforce its central message of unity. The recurring lines—“We’re woven together, you and me,” and “We believe”—create a musical, almost hymn-like quality, which aligns with the poem’s spiritual focus. The structure alternates between specific imagery (e.g., “They wear their turbans proud and true,” “Halal feasts, full plates”) and more abstract declarations of belief and connection.
The poem’s strength lies in its use of concrete details to evoke cultural specificity—references to turbans, halal feasts, and rituals ground the poem in lived experience. The phrase “living stories in a comb” is particularly evocative, suggesting both the physical act of grooming and the metaphorical act of maintaining tradition. The poem also employs parallelism (“So different, so the same / Same prayers sent slow / Same hands hold hope”) to highlight both difference and commonality.
However, the poem’s reliance on repetition, especially in the chorus-like sections, risks diluting the impact of its imagery. The repeated “We believe” lines, while reinforcing the poem’s central idea, may become redundant over multiple stanzas, potentially lessening their emotional effect. Consider condensing or varying these refrains to maintain reader engagement and allow the more specific images to resonate.
The poem’s voice is inclusive and gentle, but at times the language becomes generalized (“I carry love for all I see,” “Blessings spoken every morning”), which may come across as sentimental rather than earned. Introducing more tension or complexity—perhaps by acknowledging challenges to unity or moments of doubt—could deepen the poem’s emotional range.
Overall, the poem succeeds in conveying a vision of spiritual solidarity and chosen family across cultural lines, but could benefit from greater specificity and a more varied approach to repetition.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Jane A. Rug
2 months 2 weeks ago
quite a marvel vicariously envisioning the sensory
scenes of adopted kinship, where trust gained despite glaring cultural differences, and nonverbal communication rendered clear and distinct communication with may originally exhibit suspicion.