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The futility of a single gaze

​The futility of a single gaze
On a spring morning,
In the soul’s fragility
Yearning for better tomorrow.

​A leaden stream
And two ducks. Distinct.
Enduring this morning
And the day, in sync.

​Waiting for a bus that’s late,
Beneath the elderberry's bloom,
It offers no healing power.
Just one fragrant flower.

​Nothing changes,
And everything changes.

The iris catches a blurry image,
Green and monochrome—
An acute destuition of vision
In the gears of this-worldly truth.

Emptiness.
Mechanics and kinetics.
The riddle of the postmodern
And a lost poet.

​We inhale.
We exhale.
The end without an end.

​The poet wanders through
Endless ruins,
Seeking crumbs of a compass
And a living souls to meet.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Bosnia and Herzegovina, BIH

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neopoet

neopoet

2 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:

The poem “Jedan trenutak” explores existential uncertainty and the search for meaning through a series of juxtaposed images and philosophical reflections. The structure is fragmentary, with short lines and stanzas that mirror the poem’s themes of disconnection and searching.

The opening lines establish a mood of futility and longing. The “besmisao jednog pogleda” (meaninglessness of a glance) and the “neja­kost duše” (weakness of the soul) create a sense of vulnerability, while the desire for “bolje sutra” (a better tomorrow) introduces hope that is immediately undercut by the surrounding imagery. The use of spring morning as a setting contrasts with the emotional tone, suggesting a dissonance between the external world and internal experience.

The imagery of the “sivi potok” (grey stream) and “dvije patke. Različite.” (two ducks. Different.) is concrete yet ambiguous. The ducks’ difference is noted but not explained, leaving their symbolism open—possibly representing individuality or alienation within sameness. The mundane act of waiting for a late bus under a blossoming elder tree is rendered with a sense of inertia; the blossoming, typically a symbol of renewal, “ne daje iscjeliteljsku moć” (does not give healing power), reinforcing the poem’s skepticism toward easy redemption.

The poem’s middle section shifts to a more abstract register: “Ništa se ne mijenja / I sve se mijenja” (Nothing changes / And everything changes) encapsulates the paradox of stasis and flux. The “šarenica oka hvata nejasnu sliku” (iris catches a vague image) and “zelenu i monohromatsku” (green and monochromatic) suggest a blurred perception, both sensory and existential. The phrase “akutna neimaština vizije” (acute lack of vision) is effective in conveying both literal and metaphorical blindness.

The references to “mehanika i kinetika” and “problematika postmoderne” introduce philosophical and theoretical language, which could risk abstraction but here serves to underline the poet’s sense of dislocation in a complex, postmodern world. The “zalutali pjesnik” (lost poet) becomes a stand-in for the self, wandering through ruins in search of meaning.

The poem’s conclusion—“Udišemo. / Izdišemo. / Kraj bez kraja.”—returns to the body and breath, grounding the abstract in the physical and ending on an unresolved note. The final stanza reiterates the motif of searching, with the poet seeking “mrvice putokaza” (crumbs of a signpost) and “žive duše” (living souls), emphasizing the ongoing quest for connection and understanding.

The poem’s strengths lie in its layering of concrete and abstract imagery, and its ability to evoke existential uncertainty without resorting to cliché. The language is spare but evocative, and the structure supports the thematic content. Some lines, particularly those invoking philosophical terminology, risk distancing the reader; further development of the sensory details or emotional stakes in these moments could strengthen the poem’s impact. The balance between specificity and universality is well managed, allowing the poem to resonate beyond its immediate context.

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Geezer

Geezer

2 months 1 week ago

Thank you...

I am glad that you decided to repost this in English. 
I'm not sure, but I think that you are describing the morning of someone who is a lost poet and suffers from Achromatopsia. An interesting story. Am I wrong?  I found the vision was clear with the vivid descriptions, and the tempered fragments of social structure.

~ Geezer.
 

BlueBerry

BlueBerry

2 months 1 week ago

This poem was written  on a…

This poem was written  on a very nice spring day and in the moment of my waiting i wandered around from a different angle and wrote immediately about that from my perspective of lost poet. 

Thank you for your feedback and I will keep posting poems just in English...

Geezer

Geezer

2 months 1 week ago

Thank you...

for sharing this different view of a beautiful Spring Day. We are most appreciative of your willingness to post only in English; this pom has improved with your edit. ~ Geezer.

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