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A formidable gift!
What would I do,
without you in my life,
I've conquered some valleys,
and mountains of strife!
The immature way,
that I deal with the fight,
leads me to believe,
that I'm cleaving too tight.
If we can't
let go of our pride,
we're destroying ourselves
from the inside!
Remember the fights
from within,
and never, never
give in.
Depression and mania shift,
it's a formidable gift.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I deal with this stuff every day, but I have to say that it never gets easier my friends.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores the struggle with internal conflict, particularly the oscillation between depression and mania, and frames this experience as a “formidable gift.” The poem is structured in short stanzas, which creates a sense of movement and fragmentation that mirrors the instability described.
There are several areas where the poem could be strengthened. The use of apostrophes in “valley’s” is grammatically incorrect; the plural should be “valleys.” The phrase “mountains of strife” is a familiar metaphor, and the poem would benefit from more original imagery to convey the emotional landscape. The line “the immature way, / that I deal with the fight,” is somewhat vague—specifying what those immature responses look like could add depth and specificity.
The poem shifts between direct address (“What would I do, / without you in my life”) and self-reflection, but the identity of “you” remains ambiguous. Clarifying whether “you” refers to a person, an aspect of the self, or the experience of mania/depression itself would help ground the reader.
The rhyme and rhythm are inconsistent; some stanzas use end rhyme (“fight”/“tight,” “pride”/“inside”), while others do not. Deciding whether to employ rhyme throughout or to focus on free verse could create a more cohesive reading experience.
The final lines, “Depression and mania shift, / it’s a formidable gift,” introduce the central paradox of the poem. However, the idea of these conditions as a “gift” is not fully developed or interrogated. Expanding on what makes this experience “formidable” or a “gift” could provide a more nuanced conclusion.
Overall, the poem addresses a complex internal struggle but would benefit from more precise language, consistent form, and deeper exploration of its central metaphor.
Please send feedback about Neo (our AI critique system) to neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
2 months 1 week ago
I would suggest...
that you change the perspective from you to we ? Of course, I am making an assumption that you are speaking of your struggle and [talking to yourself].
If we can't
let go of our pride
we are destroying ourselves
from the inside!
Remember, the [fight's] from within. I think you need an apostrophe in fights.
I'm not sure that depression and mania shifts are a gift, let alone a formidable gift.
Maybe you could give a little better theory on that? I hear you. ~ Geez.
.
John Leslie O'Kelley
2 months 1 week ago
Formidable gift!
Depression and mania shifts might be construed as gifts, because you never are free from opposition. it's something to work with lifelong. Something that can make you a stronger person.
Lavender
2 months 1 week ago
A Formidable Gift
Hello, John,
I am so glad you have your poetry. I sense it gives you (and your readers) such a strong voice.
Thank you!
L
John Leslie O'Kelley
2 months 1 week ago
Lavender
Thank you for commenting, but I wish that my memory was better. I think that I could write better poems if it was!
John Leslie O'Kelley
2 months 1 week ago
Lavender
Thanks for the compliment, you're so kind to me.
Wallyroo92
2 months 1 week ago
A formidable gift
I used to call this "The Swing" in between moods, attitudes and outlooks which would take a toll. In a way poetry is our therapy and outlet.
Excellent work John. Thank you for sharing.
Geezer
2 months 1 week ago
I too...
am glad that you have your poetry and Neo. to help make you feel like you are not alone. Memory? I have memory troubles too. I have big notebooks like you used to use in school; I fill them with lines and comments and keep them to remind me of things that I want to write about. It can be a big help. I find that they are helpful for other things like appointments and stuff. ~ Geez.
.
John Leslie O'Kelley
2 months 1 week ago
Geeezer39
Thank you for commenting, sounds like a great idea!